The gist I see is christians in their 20's and 30's are not dating. The result is, women in the church are finding more success "dating" outside the church. Furthermore, their suggested solutions include: Date outside the church; Online Dating; Don't date.
Legitimately, online dating sites are not setting up long term relationships. That is a side benefit of their platform. They are setting up DATES! A date on the calendar, a one time event to see if what you see is what you get. A chance to get to know someone and if it doesn't work out, you move on. No harm no foul. Doesn't this sound like a date? "Why yes, Rob, that does sound like a date and not a relationship." Do people refer to their online dates as boyfriends or girlfriends? I sure hope not. Expectations are clear and this is important for successful dating.
One of my goals for my boys was to date in the High School years. Learn how to take a girl out without running into the commitment issue of marriage or break-up. The stats in the study show most christian women only date ONE person from their church, multiple from outside. If you know me, you've heard me say, one of the saddest things that can happen when your dauther leaves the nest is for her to have to answer the dating question "I've never really gone out with a guy."
I think this answer leads to the part in the study where christian guys devalue the girl. Why? Because nobody in High School thought she was worth it. Now, she is full on "clock is ticking" mode, she thinks she has to put-out to get him.
Consider the alternative of "I've dated lots of guys and so far, few have met my standards." I believe that people do want a spiritual anchor in their lives. Even as a Christian in High School, it wasn't until I ran into a girl that respected her own sexuality that I said "I want that kind of faith!" And my spiritual pursuit grew as a result of the girl standing on her beliefs.
Therefore, it makes sense that a non-christian would honor or treat a christian girl with more respect. They want that virtue. There is a God hole inside us, right? The problem I see with this approach is the foundation of the relationship is at risk. The longer that the guy has been a non christian or non-practicing christian the more likely the couple will have huge differences in the core of their marriage beliefs or expectations.
This just leads to another theory of mine which is to marry young. As Dawn and I approach 25 years together, we recognize that we have grown together and formed a stronger union together in every way - financially, spiritually, physically, intellectually, socially, and emotionally. Was it easy? No. But we were in it for the long haul from the very start (of our marriage) - just like you want a christian relationship to be. But if you are disillusioned (like the people in this study seem to be on "God's desire for finding a mate") then your faith in God's plan is going to be less/weaker.
The reason I was looking for the book is because Jesse is now "dating" a girl. I call it "going steady." The issue is, nothing has really changed except that now he cannot date any other girl. Over the two weeks leading up to and thru Valentine's day, we were trying to encourage him to be thoughtful and creative. "What does she like? want to do? etc.." The answer? Just be together.
You and I know that is a lie. She wants him to surprise her. But he has to learn that on his own.
But you know in your marriage, there is a beauty in just being together. Going through the good and bad together.
My belief is that the longer you are without someone the more likely you are to never get that deep connection with anyone. Look at the comment at the end of the article about the gal saying "I'm better off alone." This may be for the "Paul" types - but even as she says it, I don't think that is her real heart's desire. In fact, it is odd for me to watch one of my female friends with her new baby, and wife. Connection can be found - there are other solutions. But what happened in her youth that made this the choice?
At the end of the day, I'm sad by the dating scene and maybe I need to write my own book on why I kissed dating hello. But for now, I'm open to your thoughts, ideas and responses.
rt
