Self Destructive Thoughts

I really am not a fan of things in the water. I love water. Love it. I just don't like the things in it. Coral - beautiful, will rip the flesh right off your feet and legs. Seaweed can tangle you up, or even lily pads in a lake can be dangerous. What do you think of jelly fish? I don't know if you can count alligators as things in the water.

Then this fish cannibalism is ridiculous. Some fish will eat fish that are the same size as themselves. Talk about having eyes bigger than your stomach. I don't even understand how that is possible.

Then you go bigger and get crabs, lobsters, stingrays, squids and octopus, tuna, sharks and whales. The whole thing gets pretty gross to me.

And yet we throw a hook down there and lure them into our boats so we can drag them home and mount them on a wall or serve them in sushi.

Which just makes you think that these creatures were really put here for food. I'm not sure they have a lot going on inside their brains except "will this fit in my mouth?"

How often do we fall into the same boat? What out there looks yummy and we ask the dumb question "I wonder if this will fit in my mouth?"

If I'm at the office, I am not tempted to eat cookies. But if I'm working from home and I happen by the kitchen, sure enough, a cookie craving takes over and ... well ... I can lose track of how many I eat in an eight hour workday.

I find that numerous things in life are like that. First, someone plants a seed that gives you an idea you may not have thought of before. Maybe it is a compliment - something that boosts your pride. Soon, your brain says you are better than others. And we've all heard it, pride comes before a great fall.

The point is your environment will shape your thoughts and your thoughts will betray you into doing something that may ultimately be your demise. Many great people have been tempted and fallen victim to the lures that are around them.

The thing I tell my kids and friends is to change your environment. Go outside. I find that most temptations are not as tempting when you are outside.

But if you are outside and that is where the temptation is, go for a ride. Change your place. Change the situation.

Temptation comes from our own desires, which entice us and drag us away.

My charge to you is drag yourself away from the temptation - and do your best to drag others away too.

Confusion in the Church

I came across a message that said "such and such" christian band calls themselves "Christian" despite using the word "Hell" in their lyrics and despite being associated with (ASSOCIATED) with the New Apostolic Reformation.

I did a little research. NAR is not a church, it is an identification that said something along the lines of "companies that deal with information and technology will be refereed to as "IT Companies."

Only in this case the person that coined NAR said "The roots of the NAR go back to the beginning of the African Independent Church Movement in 1900, the Chinese House Church Movement beginning in 1976, the U.S. Independent Charismatic Movement beginning in the 1970s and the Latin American Grassroots Church Movement beginning around the same time. I was neither the founder nor a member of any of these movements, I was simply a professor who observed that they were the fastest growing churches in their respective regions and that they had a number of common characteristics." 

Hmmmm....

I have a lot of issues with the Bible. I really do. I don't like the fact that Moses - a known murderer - was chosen to lead the people of Israel and is very close to God. I don't like Jacob at all. I don't like the fact that Jesus doesn't condemn slavery. But you know what I don't have a problem with, the book of Acts.

Who knows what was going on when the Holy Spirit launched on the scene. All we know is that things were so abnormal that it was attractive, compelling, convicting, and real.

So, when a group gets associated with the closest thing we have seen since the book of Acts, I don't understand why we should get up and throw rocks at it. Sure - test it, see if it is speaking truth. But seriously, to say they are leading people away from Christ seems like they are taking the battle to the choir. To quote one person in the thread
  "Western Christians, you are good at cannibalizing yourself. Why don’t you instead go and preach the gospel in the Middle East. Pick your fights that matter."

My personal belief is that the music of this particular band has done more to bring people to Christ than most Christians.

Philippians 1:15-18 (NIV)
It is true that some preach Christ out of envy and rivalry, but others out of goodwill. The latter do so out of love, knowing that I am put here for the defense of the gospel. The former preach Christ out of selfish ambition, not sincerely, supposing that they can stir up trouble for me while I am in chains. But what does it matter? The important thing is that in every way, whether from false motives or true, Christ is preached. And because of this I rejoice.

Or we could see how things intended for evil turn out well from Joseph when he greeted the brothers who were jealous of his connection with God. They not only dishonored him, they sold him into slavery.

Genesis 50:20  (NKJV)
But as for you, you meant evil against me; but God meant it for good, in order to bring it about as it is this day, to save many people

So, in protest to fighting among Christians, I opted not to post on the thread. And I posted this apparently horrible song here for your listening pleasure. Heaven forbid, it cause you to renounce Christ.

O Praise The Name (Anástasis)

I cast my mind to Calvary
Where Jesus bled and died for me.
I see His wounds, His hands, His feet.
My Savior on that cursed tree

His body bound and drenched in tears
They laid Him down in Joseph's tomb.
The entrance sealed by heavy stone
Messiah still and all alone

O praise the name of the Lord our God
O praise His name forever more
For endless days we will sing Your praise
Oh Lord, oh Lord our God

Then on the third at break of dawn,
The Son of heaven rose again.
O trampled death where is your sting?
The angels roar for Christ the King

O praise the name of the Lord our God
O praise His name forever more
For endless days we will sing Your praise
Oh Lord, oh Lord our God

He shall return in robes of white,
The blazing Son shall pierce the night.
And I will rise among the saints,
My gaze transfixed on Jesus' face

O praise the name of the Lord our God
O praise His name forever more
For endless days we will sing Your praise
Oh Lord, oh Lord our God

O praise the name of the Lord our God
O praise His name forever more
For endless days we will sing Your praise
Oh Lord, oh Lord our God
Oh Lord, oh Lord our God
Songwriters: Dean Ussher / Marty Sampson / Benjamin Hastings

A Nazarene's Kiss

I wanted to follow up on the last post with making things special again. Last time I commented about my wedding kiss. It was very special. My oldest son is saving his first kiss for his wedding day. That is so cool. 

I only know of one other person that managed to do that. And he said it was incredibly special. Today, I can tell that he and his wife are still head over heals in love with each other. 

But in my case, I had kissed lots of girls. I had even kissed my bride before that amazing wedding kiss. And the same goes for my friend who waited until his wedding day - his wife had kissed lots of boys. But that doesn't mean you can't recapture those special moments.

For me, I took a page from Samson. You may not remember this Bible Story, so I'll let Tim Hawkins expound on it for you. Perhaps you'll remember it has to do with a man who never cut his hair:

This is a parody of Plain White T's song "Hey There Delilah." So - awesome. 

Tim Hawkins has a line, "Oh - I'm a Nazarene."

What exactly does that mean? Well, in the Old Testament a Nazarene would separate themselves from the norm by doing something different, or odd. Many times it would be abstaining from alcohol, or sex, or in Samson's case, cutting his hair. It was a dedication to the Lord. As a result, they seemed to gain favor. Again, blessing may be in many forms, but in Samson's case, it was strength (and I might add, stupidity).

You can do this any time to hit the reset button. For me, I went down the Samson route. 

My wife and I did date in High School and we did kiss our Senior year. But then we parted ways the first year of college. We both dated other people and in the end, we both found our way back to each other. 

However, neither of us were happy about the paths we took during those early years of college. So in order to make our relationship special again we made a decision. In my case, I made a physical decision.

I didn't cut my bangs for a little over two years before my wedding. After we returned from our honeymoon, my wife cut them. It was symbolic of a time we were putting in the past. 

Just so you know, I didn't feel any super powers when we did this. My fiance and I were very close to breaking those commitments many times. It is not as easy as "Don't cut your hair and magically you won't be tempted in any way." It doesn't work like that (or at least it didn't work that way for me). But it is a conscious decision and it helps to keep track of your progress.

Since then, I can say that it helps to keep track of your progress with someone else - an accountability person. That is the person you are going to have to tell when you mess up. 

So, if you want change in your life, make a decision. Make it physical. Make it with one other person. You'll be surprised by the reward at the other end. I know I was.

Friend to Mate

If you know me, you know I dated a lot before marriage. At one point, the small group of guys I led came over and opened my "little red book." They counted over 60 phone numbers.

When I got a phone number, it was with the intention that someday I might take that person out. So over the five year period (three high school, two post high school) I probably went on at least one date with most of those people.

To be clear, "A Date." It is a specific time on the calendar where we choose to get together in the same vehicle and go to the same place together. We MAY have other people, but most of the time, it was just me and my "date," a friend.

Why do I say this? Well because today I've heard of people who are "dating" which means they like each other so much that they always sit next to each other at events and they text each other and they smile a lot at each other. But they may have never actually gone on a "date." In my world, that is "going steady." "Dating" is the act of taking someone on a date.

What is sad is that in the schools, kids who are dating might make-out in the halls. And if they are willing to do this, then what are they willing to do when they get in private? As your mind floats to an answer, ask yourself if this is dating or if this is gratifying our sex drive that happens to be in high gear during high school or college.

Sorry - this is a little crude. But honestly we (society) have said that this is acceptable behavior. So how are we really supposed to find a best friend for life when the lust factor has been satisfied (or disappointed). Potentially the best part of a relationship is burned up like a firework and everything after that feels like hard work.

As someone who has been married for nearly a quarter century, there is a point where you realize the honeymoon is over. They talk about this in work settings too. "He's been here about three months, now he gets that it isn't all roses, but hard work."

Relationships are more than just physical. That's critical to understand. If you are looking for the love of your life, make the physical part of your relationship the last thing you focus on.

Again, going back to my dating experience, someone had to past muster - or a baseline to make it into my little red book. They had to have some personality that would entice me to want to hang with them for more than a class period. Getting them out on the date would tell me if I would like to hang out with them again. Getting them out on multiple dates meant they were intriguing enough to get to know deeper.

Before I ever laid lips on these dates, I had already established a real relationship - more than "math is a drag, let's skip class and make-out," kind of conversations.

Here's the kicker for me. If you hold off on the holding hands, the kiss and focus on the caring (acts of service, gifts, words of affirmation, and quality time) then you will always have something to look forward to. Proverbs says a longing fulfilled is a tree of life.

I can say "AMEN!" to that. My wedding kiss was so long that the congregation went from applause to silence to laughter to silence to laughter to silence to applause. It was special. We made that kiss special. I'll have to save how we did that for another post.

A new identity

I don't really recall what song as I was listening to as I drove home today, but it made me reflect on the idea of having a new identity. Simply, I am not who I once was.

There are many motivational posters and speakers and conferences and self-help books that all point to making yourself better each day. This is a great thing to pursue. Honesty, if I can learn something new every day, I'm happy.

But the idea of a whole new identity. That is something slightly different. The parents and kids that go through adoption can get this better than I can. A child is born to one set of parents. It doesn't matter race, religion, or sex. The child is given up for adoption and the new parent(s) might be completely different.

In this, they can and often do get a completely new identity.

I've been a Christian for a long time. Honestly, I accepted Christ as a kid. Most of the things adolescent kids do, I hadn't done (yet). Then all of High School. Then all of College (all three colleges). I had a lot of growing up to do.

But one thing stuck with me. I was a child of God. Yes, I didn't want to disappoint my parents or my friends, but ultimately, I had shifted the responsibility from my parents to my God. When I screwed up, I felt the sting of disappointing my new parent more than my old parents.

How can this be? Well, think of anything you do that only you know about. Telling a lie (to your parents). Probably not a big deal unless you are aware of a greater Standard that you have committed to.

The thing is, in giving my life to Christ, I have accepted a forgiveness that is like none other. Mainly, I know how screwed up I was and how screwed up I am. If God can forgive me, then I had better forgive others. It is NOT easy. It is some of the hardest things you'll do.

I find myself as critical as ever. Critical of others and myself. I know I need to let these things go and settle myself. And get better. One day at a time.

Service hearted

I don't know how many times I have talked to the boys about this one. The Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve…  Matthew 20:28

When you think about "kings" you think this is someone who is to be honored and served. We don't really think of Kings like that anymore. Maybe some nations have a strong dictator like person at the head, but many do see it as a service to their people now.

So think of it a different way. Who is your boss? Who is your boss' boss? What if you were standing side by side at a meeting and the boss' boss criticizes the way the meeting is going. As a subordinate, you are likely to agree or go along with whatever they say. And if they say, "get more coffee." You'll hop to it.

This verse turns that concept upside down. One of my favorite artists, Rich Mullins, was at an awards banquet where he was nominated for an award. When he actually won the award, they couldn't find him. He had slipped into the back and was restocking the food tables with the other hired staff.

This seems a bit odd, but some people feel more comfortable building others up. And I think this is the point of Jesus. Jesus came to show his love for us - before we could ever say "no" to him, he said "yes" to us. No matter our past, our present, our future, he is reaching to you and all you have to do is say "yes."

Note, that doesn't mean your problems will go away, it just means you can start a relationship with someone who is not worried about your issues. He cannot love you any more or any less than he already did when first got the idea to knit you together in your mother's womb.

The dude is crazy about you. And he wants to lift you up to heights higher than you can imagine.

I want to live my life in such a way that this is my heart beat. Serving others not for humanities sake, but because I have been shown great love and this is how I can show love in return.

Perseverance

As a soccer player, I recognize a significant difference between endurance and persistence. In the first case, I know the end. For a game, that is 90 minutes, 120 if it goes to extra time, and penalty kicks after that. Endurance gets me there.

But Persistence is different. I pursue perfection in my skills. In fact, I can pursue endurance or stamina by working on my fitness so that I can go the full 90/120/PKs.

In my life, I want to pursue excellence in soccer. But I also want to pursue excellence in being a father. And it doesn't stop there, I want to be an excellent husband. And after that, a great friend to others. When they lay the flowers on my casket, I want others to say that I loved God with my life.

It isn't endurance that gets me to these places, it is perseverance. Right now, I feel a bit out of the game. I know that the testing of my faith will help develop perseverance.

You could say I'm still in a physical test right now. And perhaps these last five years have been an enormous faith test. But I'm not being tested in my day to day on the faith level. I can live my life pretty much like my neighbors.

To me, that is just getting through life. I know that I am more capable of just passing through this life. I need to get back in the game.

Reputation Matters

I had to do a coaching test yesterday. All the information was about "Awareness."

Are you aware that teenagers are victims of sexual harassment not only by adults, but also by their peers? Are you aware that coaches and students alike are responsible for their behavior when it comes to bullying? In the case of abuse, there is a requirement as a coach that we MUST report it to the authorities (police) before we can report it to the school we work for.

I suppose I'm fine with all of this. When I think about the stories I've been told, hazing used to be more normal as sort of a right of passage. It could seriously hit all of those "bad things" in one evening.

There are two things that get me on this. First, we are pumping these "non-adults" with "adult" things. Honestly, most of the music that adults find offensive is geared toward the kids. Seems that "ratings" are not really the issue. It is access.

Similarly, I don't understand how "kids" can get access to free condoms and pregnancy tests at school. Is that like saying "Look, we know you are going to do it, so let's just make it easier for you." And then we turn around and make the coaches and teachers (the adults) responsible or liable if the kid has non-consenting sex with another student.

Reputation matters. Let's be honest, everybody wants to be invited to the "cool kid" party. I know I did way back in 8th grade. What I didn't know was how crazy the party was going to be. At the party, I was offered both alcohol and sex. Somehow, I managed to get out unscathed.

In High School, same thing. College, same again. You can't go to a fraternity party and not expect to see humanity at its lowest.

But here is where my reputation comes in. I grew up in a house where drinking was allowed. The first time I "chugged" a whole beer was after a rugby practice in High School - AT HOME with my MOM. And I dated a lot of girls in High School and was asked to sneak out. A LOT of girls. I didn't sneak out and I didn't sleep with any of them. And at the end of the year, I had A LOT of girls that valued our dates and valued our relationship - non-sexual, just friends, best of luck to you.

I carried that reputation to college hundreds of miles away and when I was in those fraternity parties, girls found me and asked me to "Please, take my beer. I don't want to get drunk," or looping an arm with mine "Can I hang with you? I don't like this other guy's advances." I was at the party, NOT drinking, but having fun and helping those that also wanted to have fun without the alcohol and other temptations.

My thing here is that my reputation is that I'm in control of myself. I drink when I want to drink, I don't drink to get drunk. I set up scenarios so that I'm not alone with a girl - so I don't fall into a tempting situation. And that reputation helps keep me out of trouble.

When you are raising your kids, help them think about boundaries before they need them. My son looked at me and said "You're the one that told me not to kiss until I'm married!" To which I laugh now. I never said that. But we had a talk where he decided on his own where to draw that line. I don't even know that I saw the outcome of his decision. But, he blames me :). Perfect!

As a parent, you can tell. You can tell by the friends they keep, the clothes they wear, the music they listen to, the games they play, and the way they treat you.

Start young! Shape the path. Reputation matters.

No harm intended, no harm taken

Perspective is important. It is the lens through which we see situations, people, and even our world.

As a soccer coach, I was taught to work extremely hard at practice knowing that I had better play harder than any opponent we faced. You have to live by the mantra "No harm intended, no harm taken." Meaning, if someone hurts me in the process, they are simply making me better prepared for the real game. They are helping me, not hurting me.

So one point of view is the glass is half empty, the other is that it is half full.

As we progress through life we encounter situations that can put us on our can. If you read through this blog, you'll know I was a hurting pup for several years. In the end, you'll find that the core of who I am has not been shaken. Whether I like it or not, I live to or for a standard. Without that standard, I'm pretty lost. Honestly, when I think about who I would be without those guideposts, I am not at all happy with what I see.

Again, I come back to choices. I could choose to watch TV or I could choose to read. I could choose to exercise or I could choose to sleep in. I could choose steak or I could choose salad. These seem like easy, physical choices. Some are healthier choices - but if I put my WANTS above my GOALS or PURPOSE, then I will choose poorly.

How does this play out in other areas of my life? What about ethical choices? What about attitude choices? What about picking a spouse? 

I would say that stepping on others, putting others down, taking credit for work I didn't do, cheating, lying and doing it in the most conniving way as to actually look like a nice guy - that seems like a path to success, high paying jobs, and promotions.

Most of us would say "I wouldn't intentionally do stuff like that." But the truth is, sometimes WANTING that promotion or looking good in front of the boss is more important than your true character.

And perhaps that is the point I'm driving at. What do you base your true character on?

"I'm a generally good person unless something comes along that suits me better. Then I might make a quick diversion from my standard."

What if you can accept the hardship - something that appears to be for your harm or detriment - and believe instead that this hard thing is intended for your greater good? What kind of standard is that and where do you find it?

For me, it comes from verses like Genesis 50:20, something that seemed like death was done to save many.

Wisdom and Experience

We've all seen it (I think). Because as much as you may make fun of a Hallmark movie, you can't help but sit through at least 20 minutes just to prove you know the entire outcome of the story.

In fact, my kids have created Christmas Hallmark Bingo. It includes about a dozen game boards each with spaces like "vehicle breaks down," "winter storm," "girl Pep talk," or one of our favorites "Kid is a better actor." Naturally, the center free space is "They Kiss!"

Why has everyone seen at least 20 minutes of these masterpieces? Because that's how long before the next commercial.

Have you noticed that in these commercials they have wonderful happy people doing random everyday things? Seems like the world is normal - and I think that is the message they are trying to convey. Take our pill, be normal.

This works pretty well until the announcer starts into the possible side effects. I'm always amazed by the products that are supposed to stop heart burn that "may cause heart burn." Is that another way of saying if it didn't work? "Well, we told you so."

The thing is we are a word-of-mouth society. We trust each other to give us good advice. Good salesmen make you trust them before they sell you anything. You have to lean into their wisdom and experience in order to make a decision about something you don't know enough about.

As youth, we often think our parents don't want to hear or don't really know about what we are experiencing. But the truth is, adults/PARENTS were once hormone infused youth. They have walked down those paths an have some amazing insight which is usually tied to some amazing stories.

So if you are a youth, don't hesitate to open up to your parents. Ask questions. Proverbs says "Without wise leadership, a nation falls; there is safety in having many advisers."

Lean into those that have gone before you and listen. You may still want to go and make mistakes. Which may result in the dreaded "I told you so." But if you are open and honest with your parents, you are less likely to find shock and frustration. You'll more likely find compassion and love.

Finding Focus

My kids like to listen to "music" while they study. Note the quotes around the word "music" implies that I hardly consider it music. To me it is much closer to word vomit. I think they call it "rap" or "hip hop."

But here is what I noticed. Back in grade school and middle school, they could memorize just about anything. Now, they seem to only memorize lyrics and one-liners from movies.

On the positive side, I think I'm blessed because by and large, the "music" they listen to is not popular. It has a good message. And they don't repeat any distasteful things (around my ears).

But then we could go to a restaurant and hear a popular song and wouldn't you know, they quietly mouth the lyrics to those ones too.

I suppose the point is that when we want to learn something, we can. For some reason, the same son that can pick an artist and song out faster than Google cannot figure out how to cook to pizzas in the oven at the same time. He tosses his hands in the air and asks a brother to do it claiming it is too much for him to handle.

If we give up easily on making a pizza, how much more scary is it that we give up on our spiritual lives?

Most motivational speakers (secular or christian) will tell you to focus on your spiritual life. As a Christian, I find truth in the Bible. And my concern is that people don't want to read anything spiritual. They give up. It's too hard. Or perhaps the most common, I didn't like what it said.

Look, being lazy to obtain success only works in Office Space. If you want to find truth, you need to work at it and wrestle with it until you understand it.

Here are some truths I've found.

First, it often requires a teacher. Remember Louis Armstrong's words in What a Wonderful World? We know our kids will know more than us because we pour into them and they expand on it. 

As important as the teacher is, the learner must put in the time. 

Tools can be helpful. When I coach soccer, I use many tools to improve footwork, speed and agility, but the most important tool is the ball.

Practice. Malcolm Gladwell suggested 10,000 hours of deliberate practice to become exceptional in a given field. When it comes to your spiritual life, how long do you want to wait before you become proficient in your core values and what you believe?

The last thing, ironically, maybe more in the spiritual world than other places is peace and quite. It is interesting in the Christian world they call "devotion time with God" "Quiet Time."

Studies show that noise, even relaxing music, causes tension in your brain because it is processing electrical signals from the ear. Silence on the other hand (lack of noise) relaxes that energy. There is profound benefits to silence and meditation.

In my world, the goal is to fill that silence with prayers for others, wisdom and insight for myself.

John 14

Eye on the Prize

In baseball, you are instructed to keep your eye on the ball all the way from the pitcher's hand to the bat. The best hitters don't just swing or close their eyes at the moment of impact. And if you are in the outfield, use two hands and watch that ball all the way to your mitt.

What happens if you take your eye off the ball? Well, in some cases, you can still be successful. In fact, the ESPN Highlighs and YouTube videos out there will make you think that the fundamentals are irrelevant. Every little league coach hates watching the pros because they always catch one handed and super casual - like this is easy.

And then there is the guy that misses it. He takes an easy play and blows it. That's the one that hurts. That's the one you want to show your little league team. Bring out the blooper reel and popcorn - here is what not to do in critical games.

In sports, messing up can be funny to the spectator (unless it is your team), but in life it isn't really that way.

Here's one, don't get into a relationship with someone at work. People warn against things like this because if things go south in the relationship, the whole office feels it and often has to take sides.

How about driving? Dropping a french fry on the seat can distract you just long enough for you to miss something on the road. Having your passengers distract you can be worse. But the distracted driving laws (cell phones) are there for a reason.

What about your friend choices? I feel it is important for you to be true to who you are. There is a place for you. But I don't think that you should change who you are in order to be liked by a particular group. This is a slippery slope that will trash your integrity because you are not being true to yourself.

When we are true to ourselves, our character, our values, then we are going to be attractive to others. Why? Because people can see when others are being real and when they are being fake.

In sports, a good coach or scout can tell when someone gets lucky and does something unusual, or if they are practiced and focused and could repeat that over and over again.

When it comes to loving others, it should be natural and not forced. And when it comes to keeping yourself or others safe, you should be able to focus and be intentional.

Be on your guard. Stand firm in the faith. Be strong. Be courageous.

If people try to entice you to be who you are not, turn your back on them.

Psalm 119:72-72

Oh-my Back!

This car hasn't moved the entire week of snow here in the Northwest. Needless to say, we have a bit of digging out to do.

As a courtesy and a good home owner, you are supposed to clear your sidewalk. What better thing to do than to use the sidewalk snow to build a nice 48" tall snow fort and snowman.

I'm happy with the results of both the fort and snowman, but there is one thing I'm not happy about. My BACK!

This is one of the joys of getting older. I understand and wish I was in better shape so things like clearing the sidewalk wouldn't hurt so much.

But there is this verse in the Bible that scares me to bits. It basically says in Ephesians that if you honor your parents, it will go well with you and you will enjoy a long life.

Now, there is a part of me that says "Cool!" but there is another part of me that says "My back is going to be mush by that time. How much enjoyment is this going to be?"

Honestly, one of my biggest fears in life is not knowing my family. It is watching my grandmother who has always been on top of everything be completely confused and disoriented as she fights dementia and Alzheimer's.

She has been an absolute joy. But at the same time, she is a shell of the person she used to be.

It seems like a strange fear to have, but for some reason it is very real to me. I cannot shake it. So for today, I pray that I would love those around me. I don't want them to ever doubt that I am for them and that I believe in them. Because someday, they might have to take care of my mushy back and my mushy mind.

True Colors

It seems nothing is hidden anymore. The amount of stuff that can be dug up about any person is amazing.

For instance, I think there is a guy in Virginia right now that is being brought to trial because of a photo in his yearbook that he says isn't even him. (I know this feeling as there is a photo credit of me dancing with a girl in my yearbook that isn't me.)

And I wasn't a fan of the recent issues with people getting called out for their behavior in college. Honestly, I don't agree with the behavior of most college students. But think of how many people you have worked with that were students of the 60's and 70's. The stories I've heard from CEOs and Principle Engineers are hilarious.

Is that who they are now? In the vast majority of cases, no. In some cases, yes.

We just watched Les Miserables with the kids; a non-musical one that tells the story more than the musical. I love the musical, but wanted them to get a clear picture of all that was going on. I asked them what they thought of this one and they "Loved it." All my boys want to see the musical now.

There is something interesting about it. We have a man forgiven, shown love in a fascinating way. He spends the rest of his life showing love to others. At the same time, you have a lawful person. Just that;

"I've spent my whole life trying not to break one single law." - Inspector Javert

Yet in the end, we see the lawful person put on hand cuffs and the law breaker goes free. What is true freedom? Does it mean we are perfect? By no means.

I want people to show their true colors. And when it comes to behavioral issues, I see the heart as being the most important thing. Is it my nature to help someone, or to step on them as I climb to the next rung on the ladder? Am I servant hearted or serve me hearted?

Looking at these past offenses of people, I am only interested in who they are today. I believe that when someone makes a change, we need to help them with that change and not hold the past offenses against them.

I'm not perfect. I do try to obey the laws. I'm very slow to pick up stones to throw at others who may have a jaded past. Ultimately, I think most of us have a jaded past. Which makes forgiveness all the more appealing to me.

Give. Just Give.

There is a point that I hope to reach where I can pour myself out. I've been there. I don't know what else to say but it is so gratifying to give.

Now what you might be thinking is giving stuff. Nope. I think primarily I give time.

I'm jealous of those that can give physical things as well as time. But I don't have those resources. So I give time.

There is a story in 2 Kings 4:1-7 where a woman has debts and sons, but no way to pay here debts. Elisha comes and tells her grab some oil, and then as many pots as she can. When they are all gathered, she pours out the oil into every pot until they are all full. When there are no more pots, she is left with the original pot - still full. She then sells all the oil to pay her debts.

This is what it is like to give. When we give we find that there is an abundant supply to give. I don't know how it works, but I do like it.

Don't be afraid to give - you will find blessing in doing it.

He is in the Everyday things

Snow Day(s) in Seattle! I love that that the idea of catching snow on your tongue never really gets old.

It's simple isn't it? The whole world is turning white around you. The sounds all get muffled and for some silly reason, we decide to stick our tongues out and catch a little of that peace.

Of course, it usually hits me in the schnoz or eyeball first.

It's in a moment like this, capturing the moment, that you realize you aren't thinking about that big looming issue in your life; Does he like me? Am I going to pass my test? What about my dying relative? What about my job future?

We have a strange sense of rights - especially in the US. We have a right to have answers or a right to be happy and that right is right now!

But I find that God doesn't care about our constitution or our feelings of entitlement. I find him giving us answers when He feels like it.

In fact, I was reminded that the end game is not to get a bunch of stuff while we are here, but the end game is to get God. Perhaps that is why we are so off the mark when we pray for stuff "a good day, health, etc..."

Really, it would be enough to get to enjoy the small moments, like a sunset, a furry animal, a visit from a friend, a hug, watching a campfire, or snowflakes on the tongue.

I wonder what it will be like when we no longer have to toil for our daily sustenance.

We All Need Forgiveness

I was thinking about this recently as I have been down a very interesting path. I picked the path I'm walking, however, there was a point where I was clearly kicked off my trail.

That point hurt very much as it spoke to several issues in my approach to people. In general, I feel people are "good" and wouldn't intentionally make bad choices if they have all the right information.

In the end, that belief just isn't true. People will make choices that either cause them pleasure or reduce pain in their lives. Logic doesn't necessarily come into play when they make those decisions.

So I've had to walk down this path. Why was I in a position to forgive someone who harmed me? I'll take responsibility for my part. Perhaps it was performance related. Perhaps it was personality. But let me just say I won't sluff all the responsibility to the other party. So step one, I'm owning my part in messing something up (even if it isn't clear to me).

Well, if I'm able to mess up and not know why, then it is possible the other person messed up and they don't know why. Essentially, we may have a communication problem. The only difference being that they are in a position to make decisions that impact me, where I'm not in that position. Allowing for the mistake, I am going to have to commit to let it go and move on.

When I say move on, I'm trying to stop bringing it up. This is interesting to me. Whenever I see someone that has offended me, I think instantly to the impact it had on my life and how it changed the trajectory of me and my family. There are two people that still cause me pain just at the sight of them. Chances are, and we all know this, they are ignorant to the heart ache I'm experiencing.

I'm not sure how to erase those memories or feelings, but that isn't the point or goal. I am simply responsible for forgiving them, not holding it against them, and not talking about them behind their back.

The last part is hard.

Now, it is also clear that we need to get away from people who are abusive. These actions need to be brought to light and stopped. Forgiveness can still happen, but staying in a situation that continues to cause pain is not healthy.

My hope is that you will be able to forgive. We all need it. I'm not perfect. I'm striving to do better and as far as it depends on me, to live in harmony with others. However, I do have a fuse and it does have an endpoint. So I know I need forgiveness. Knowing I need it helps me to realize I need to give it to others.

Colossians 3:13

Lies do not become us

We have two rules in our house that will get you the worst punishment. The first was hitting, punching, kicking, etc. We feel that there are more creative (maybe not as fast) ways of resolving conflict. The second was lying. 

So when one of our boys took something that was off limits from our room, we asked. "How did you get that?"

We have a saying in our house, "You gotta be honest." To us, the worse crime is deceit. We feel that trust is paramount so that we can make good decisions and know that all the information is on the table.

Deeper inside, we know that if people are willing to lie about something small, then there are good  chances they would lie about something bigger or more important. Then I found this study that says we actually train our brains to lie. Watch the video for a  quick summary.

When we lie, we find some reason to justify it in our minds. If that reason is soothing, then we will go back to that justification again later. And if it doesn't satisfy, we will dig for another lie or excuse as to why the lie is okay. We reject the Truth and replace it with a lie.

This is where lies get compounded and people get hurt. Or, as we have all seen, the wrong people get promoted or good people leave.

I've found the best solution with regards to lies can be found in War Games:

The only winning move is not to play

It's true that people are going to screw up. But there isn't a reason to compound the problem by lying about the screw up. 

So while I was mad at my son for taking something from my room, I'm grateful that he told the truth about it when we confronted him. 

Blowing up

This weekend should have been awesome. We had two teams in the state tournament that were both projected to do well. I had to work for one of the games. No big deal.

I got there for the majority of the second game where our boys were down by one. They equalized and really should have done better. But it wasn't to be. They lost in a shootout. 

But the good news is the other son went on to win yet another state championship. Woo hoo!

Then there was the Big Game. Of course, I'm tired of the dynamic duo, so I worked on cleaning out my email while looking up only to see if there were any fun commercials. 

At the end of it all, I had a couple rough conversations over the weekend. The first was with my folks. They pressed me on a job situation they know nothing about and then I pressed them on a primary care situation that I'm not qualified to speak about. In the end it was a "tense" discussion with some awkward moments of silence as the other realized there was no budging on this topic.

The second would be with my son who felt compelled to argue about returning an item to the store. The logic is always dumbfounding when you deal with your college kids. 

Oh - and I suppose I failed to mention the wife situation with the kids not supposed to be using the game system, but they were.

While I didn't feel the weekend was particularly bad, what I realized is that I didn't handle any of those conversations the way I should have. And I had to ask, "What's under my skin?"

I find that when something is bothering me, everything is impacted. Victories seem less sweet. Relationships seem stressed, and my voice gets louder despite the fact I have no desire to yell. 

Am I holding something in that I need to give up.

I know I need to be quick to listen to others. I didn't listen well. 

I know I need to be slow to get angry. I wasn't crazy bad, but I was emphatic. 

For me, I'm guessing it is the stress of not having clear direction on the job front. Time is pressing and I'm going to be feeling that pressure more and more as the months pass. I'm praying against the critical nature I have so that I'm not blowing up at the small things - like returning something to the store. 

Is there something you are bottling up and carrying around that might blow at any time? Try to identify it and surrender it. 

Change is on the inside

Michael Jackson wrote a song called "Man in the Mirror" In the chorus he sings: 

I'm starting with the man in the mirror
I'm asking him to change his ways
And no message could have been any clearer
If you want to make the world a better place
Take a look at yourself, and then make a change

Today I am challenged by the idea that I have a lot of clutter in my life that keeps me from being effective. Meaning, I get distracted or burdened by something on the inside.

There are times when people get depressed. I've been there. Until you are there, you have no idea what it is like. You can't just snap your fingers and make it go away.

What is equally true is that it is very difficult to be lovable when you are depressed. It is like  compounding interest, it just keeps piling up. People don't want to help you because, well, you are depressing.

The only way out is to make a change inside. It has to be small at first, but then it can grow. You have to stop doing what feeds the negative and start doing what feeds the positive. NO MATTER HOW HARD.

You must be willing to do hard things in order to make changes. 

The beauty is, once you make a change, once you clean out the clutter, once you live a life worth emulating, then you can actually become someone who helps others out of the same trap.