Lies do not become us

We have two rules in our house that will get you the worst punishment. The first was hitting, punching, kicking, etc. We feel that there are more creative (maybe not as fast) ways of resolving conflict. The second was lying. 

So when one of our boys took something that was off limits from our room, we asked. "How did you get that?"

We have a saying in our house, "You gotta be honest." To us, the worse crime is deceit. We feel that trust is paramount so that we can make good decisions and know that all the information is on the table.

Deeper inside, we know that if people are willing to lie about something small, then there are good  chances they would lie about something bigger or more important. Then I found this study that says we actually train our brains to lie. Watch the video for a  quick summary.

When we lie, we find some reason to justify it in our minds. If that reason is soothing, then we will go back to that justification again later. And if it doesn't satisfy, we will dig for another lie or excuse as to why the lie is okay. We reject the Truth and replace it with a lie.

This is where lies get compounded and people get hurt. Or, as we have all seen, the wrong people get promoted or good people leave.

I've found the best solution with regards to lies can be found in War Games:

The only winning move is not to play

It's true that people are going to screw up. But there isn't a reason to compound the problem by lying about the screw up. 

So while I was mad at my son for taking something from my room, I'm grateful that he told the truth about it when we confronted him.