The most precious mildew

There is a bag, and in it is some really disgusting stuff. It has mold and mildew and tissue and bleach and all kinds of interesting chemistry stuff going on in there. I haven't opened it in a long time. I'm sort of scared too. Last time I opened it, I was pretty distraught.

It used to be a simple spiral notebook with three subjects. One a little bigger than my Bible. The truth is, I had no intentions of ever keeping a journal. But on a rather frustrating week, my baby brother said he needed a ride to a Bible Study. I was in college and had no desire to sit in on a Jr. High Bible study - but as it turned out, once the speaker started talking, my spiritual life was given a swift kick in the ...

So I HAD to start writing down everything I was hearing. I couldn't believe that this information was in the Bible. So I grabbed a spare college notebook (that was lightly used :) and started writing. It soon collected all kinds of things, notes from the Bible Study became less and less, and my life on its pages became more and more. Soon, I was journaling.

That journal is precious to me. Not only did it have the things I learned, it also had the life experiences I was going through and how God was literally transforming my Christian perspective. Never in my life did I grow more and change more and was challenged more. It was absolutely crazy. Crazy fun.

Today, I have no idea what is in that Journal. The mold and mildew has destroyed most of what was important. See, it was stored in a box on a shared wall in an apartment. The opposite wall was a kitchen, and it sprung a leak and soaked our closet. We noticed the smell before we found the problem. But we did what we could to salvage it and somewhere is an old journal that I love.

In today's world, it is really easy to whip out a tablet (like this Awesome ASUS SL101 that I am using now) and crank out some thoughts. Journaling is so easy. But it isn't as intimate as the hand written journal I once had. My life is slowing down again. I love this. I love taking the time to write out my thoughts on God and what he is doing. But to be honest, I want more. I desire to get back to the days when I was writing out my prayers and logging my day's events and stories.

Perhaps the problem is that we have packed our schedules so tight, we don't want to do anything slow that we could do fast. And I just don't know that we want to rush any relationship. A rushed relationship is not likely to be a good one.

To every season turn turn turn

There is a season and a time for every purpose under heaven.

Today I think the message is mostly to Christians; people who are on top of their spiritual game and feel that there should be power in their prayers. But perhaps there isn't. In fact, perhaps prayer time is somewhat boring or feels out of place.

But if you look back on your life, you can identify times when you were faithful and full of life. When the word came alive in you and your prayers were powerful and effective. So the question going through your mind right now is "Why not now?"

This is crazy, but I have the same cycles in other areas of my life. Sometimes I love one salsa, but then I grow tired of it. I still eat it, but with less exuberance than before. If I leave it for a while, try other stuff, and then come back to it, I find my enthusiasm has returned.

Did I just compare my prayer life to salsa? Yes. I'm not saying this is right, but I am saying this is what my life looks like. I don't carry a lot of baggage, I keep short accounts. My conscious is clear and my family life is on solid footing. I typically am looking for service opportunities and I rarely put my needs ahead of the needs of others. And my prayer life, my quiet times, my Bible reading all fluctuate over time - each pulling harder at different times.

For me, I have to continue to pray. I can say I don't care, but I do. I still believe that God answers prayers and I believe that he has my best interests in mind. So I have to pray. I don't often see the results of my prayers, but I believe that some day I will. In 2 Corinthians 5:7 we are reminded that we need to live by faith. And later in that chapter that when we do, we will discover the old self has passed away and the new life has begun. So I press on, in faith, waiting for that incredible flavor that makes me long for more to return.

Hurt of unanswered prayer

We've all heard it. You pray, nothing happens. I've been there. And the hurt is unreal. I can remember one time just balling my eyes out with my buddy. We met regularly to chat about life and hold each other accountable to certain things. He knew what I was going through and then he helped me through the pain.

Ironically, a very similar thing happened, unanswered prayers. This time I wasn't as distraught, I was mad. And since then, my life has altered course.

So here is the official word from your pastor... Sometimes God says "No" to your prayer. Sometimes he says "Not yet." Sometimes he says "Yes" and sometimes he says "Grow!"

We see examples of stupid prayers in the Bible when the disciples wanted to destroy a town by calling down fire from heaven, and Jesus says 'No.' can you imagine that? How many times did they have other requests that weren't recorded that were just as crazy? We have the "let me sit at your right hand!" request, which went no where. So - yeah, sometimes the prayers don't make sense. We won't be able to see that until time passes.

"Not Yet." OK - That's an interesting one. I don't recall a not-yet case in my life. If anything, my example above was a not-yet that got changed to a not-ever. Now I say that with sarcasm. But I'm still a bit disappointed with God on this one (and I fully believe he is big enough to take it).

There is a legitimate argument here. For instance, when I sit at a computer, I like my area to be clean. I know what dust and dirt do to the keys and parts. But here comes my dog. He wants for all the world to be scratched. Do I do it? Not yet.

Then, there is the time when my dog comes to me rather withdrawn. In fact, I may just catch him wondering around in the hallway and he starts to get excited to see me, but then he stops and tucks in his tail. "What?" I ask... and yet I know. Somewhere in my house a new object (or a favorite object) has just been christened with the one leg salute. He isn't going to get anything from me until we have reconciled that situation.

Well, that's the GROW part for me. I'm mad. I honestly don't know if God is saying "No. Not Yet. or Grow." And since I don't know, all I can do is run to introspection and self evaluation. I can only hope to grow from this. Perhaps there is something that I've done wrong (peed on the carpet type thing) that I need to correct. That is very likely the case.

But honestly, this is where grace comes in. I know I'm a sinner. So I don't expect to have a clean slate any day of the week. So I'll pray, and I need to pray for grace as well.

Couple key thoughts

Sometimes I feel too chill. That is too relaxed. Perhaps I have an intellectual faith. There are those survey questions out there that ask how you respond in difficult situations. My history has shown that I laugh a lot. I'll say things like "Wow! This is really bad! Can you believe this? Wonder how we are going to get out of this one."

And yet here I am, the world continues to roll despite my greatest crisis. You could say that this is the result of a good world view. Sure. It's just that my world view is based on an eternal view. I've said it before, that I believe our time here on earth is but a vapor on the waves. Here for a moment, then gone. I've also said that I believe the spiritual world to be more real than the physical world.

OK Where am I going? Well, the emphasis over the last week or so has been on Prayer. And one of the lessons of prayer is to not look at the problem, but the problem solver. 

Think about it. Remember as a kid, working on a math problem and having no clue what to do? No matter how long you stare at the numbers, nothing makes sense. However, when you turn to the teacher and ask for help, you can finally make progress. 

I find most of my problems are this way. I don't know the way forward in a relationship. I don't know the best way to resolve a conflict. I don't know the best way to prepare for a presentation. That's when I look up and ask God for help. And I trust that no matter what happens, He put the words in my mouth at the moment I needed to say them to make things happen.

The second thing that is important is to press on through. Just like above, I look at the problems, I seek help, and I dive in. I'll pull resources that I think can help. I'll motivate people I think need motivation. I'll use all the gifts that God has given me to attack the problem. I don't just sit there and say "Well everyone, I prayed. Give it a couple minutes and it will all work out."

The end result for me is feeling like "Whew! We made it through!" But what is weird is that people look back at me and say "Yeah - you did a great job!" And I have no idea what they are talking about. For me, it is easy then to put those prayers of thanks back up to God.

The Bible says that faith and works go hand in hand. Sometimes, God parts the waters. But sometimes we have to do our part. I'm sure that the story of David and Goliath would have been omitted from the Bible had God chosen to just give Goliath a heart attack. Instead, David had to go into battle and use the tools he had - which weren't much. He had to press into the problem, but surely God did the rest.

So, perhaps I am to casual with my faith. I do believe that God will work it out. That takes a heap of burden off of me.

1 Samuel 17:45-49

David said to the Philistine, “You come against me with sword and spear and javelin, but I come against you in the name of the Lord Almighty, the God of the armies of Israel, whom you have defied. This day the Lord will deliver you into my hands, and I’ll strike you down and cut off your head. This very day I will give the carcasses of the Philistine army to the birds and the wild animals, and the whole world will know that there is a God in Israel. All those gathered here will know that it is not by sword or spear that the Lord saves; for the battle is the Lord’s, and he will give all of you into our hands.”

As the Philistine moved closer to attack him, David ran quickly toward the battle line to meet him. Reaching into his bag and taking out a stone, he slung it and struck the Philistine on the forehead. The stone sank into his forehead, and he fell face down on the ground.

ACTS IV - Supplication - asking for stuff

This is the crushing blow for me. I refuse to believe that God doesn't answer prayer. But I also refuse to believe that he answers all prayers.

This post has a couple parts to it. First, my journal and pessimism shine through. Second, what I actually practice. As you read this, just hear my honesty and try not to judge. If you have personal experiences that reinforce or refute my comments, I'd be happy to hear them.

Asking for stuff, why bother
One thing I know is that he doesn't answer all my prayers. Even in the Bible, there are times when the disciples tried to perform the miracles that Jesus had instructed them to perform and they couldn't. Then Jesus comes along and takes care of things.

Frustration for me sets in at this point. God is capable, but are we? The disciples didn't know that they also needed to be fasting in order to perform that miracle. Like there is a cook book for getting your prayers answered.

Perhaps that is my problem. I read the verses about the persistent widow (who gets what she wants by pestering). Is that how you get prayers answered? Or from James 4 "you have not because you ask not, but then when you ask you ask with wrong motives." In modern times, that means we ask and then we say "not my will but yours be done." Which to me is the giant cop-out for "I have no faith." So I have to ask, but then I have to ask with right motives? How can I tell if my motives are pure?

John Piper writes:

One of the signs that God is going to do a great work is that he begins to stir up his people to pray for it. He lays a burden on a person here and a person there. He brings it back to their mind again and again. It stalks them. It drives them to their knees. Or it catches them on their knees.

When God aims to do a great work, the first thing he harnesses is the power of prayer. He starts by planting the spark of desire in a few hearts. Then through prayer he fans it into a flame. Then the flame of desire and faith spreads to others. Soon large numbers are on their knees imploring the great work. Then God acts. Then he pours down his blessing. God loves to do great works of redemption. But even more he loves to do it in answer to prayer.

So - essentially, you know your motives are right when God plants them in you...

Joan of Arc had this happen. At age 18, she was compelled by God to liberate France. She said the pestering in her ears was such she had to obey. It is interesting that after fulfilling the call to put the King on the throne in France, she said the burden was gone and she begged to go home. But the French leaders persuaded her into one more battle. She was captured and then burned at the stake. Nice. Way to obey God Joan.

I say all this with pessimism in my voice. But at the same time, I've had too many people come and share their direct answers to prayer with me. I have to believe that God does answer prayer. I just don't know which ones, why, and what purpose they all ultimately serve. I feel God is going to do what God is going to do. For instance, who was praying for Saul's conversion/salvation? Nobody is mentioned in the Bible, but it does say that he is God's chosen instrument. 

So you can see Thomas saying "God help me to be a disciple that represents you well." and God is like "Yeah, I'm going to use someone else. Thanks for playing."

And that's how I feel. I desire. I pray. I get sidelined. God has other plans. And so I've begun to ask the question, "What does it look like to be on the sideline for Jesus?" How many millions of people are out there like me? Somehow, they've been burdened with a desire to serve, but have been rejected by God's well intentioned chosen leaders. So they go to church, fill a pew, maybe even send in a tithe check. And check out the rest of the week. 

All that to say - perhaps my pessimism is the reason I feel my supplication prayers are ineffective.

My reality

Last thing. In case you are wondering, I regularly pray for my entire (living) family. I also pray specifically for missionaries, leaders (in and out of the church), friends, and perhaps most of all I pray for myself. You can tell that I wrestle with God. But His activity in my life has left me no choice. I can't deny that God is real any more than I can deny I have parents. It turns out that I can no more figure out God than I can figure out myself. But I have learned that He is big enough to handle my doubts and my arguments. 

My model for prayer is to take different days of the week to focus on different aspects. So do what works for you. In addition to all your prayers, choose to pray for something specific each day of the week.

Sunday         - pray for the church
Monday       - pray for yourself (you need it, it's Monday)
Tuesday       - pray for the one person you want to know Christ
Wednesday  - pray for leaders everywhere (Country, Church, Sports, Work, etc)
Thursday     - pray for the needy/the weak
Friday         - pray for your friends
Saturday      - pray for those closest to you

ACTS III, Thankfulness

Have you ever asked yourself about your decisions in life? Maybe something like "If I didn't have kids, I could have bought a new vehicle every couple years." or "If I wasn't married, I would probably be the smartest guy in the company - maybe even president." or "If I hadn't married Mr. NeedyBoy, I would be a Martha Stewart or Rachel Rae, or I'd be as fit as Jillian Michaels."

I continually am thankful that God would save a sinner like me. I know you may be thinking "How bad of a sinner are you? Seriously, you write about God and Jesus all the time. You seem like a holy roller to me."

And that's just it. I'm a dirty rotten scoundrel. Without God, I would lie, cheat, steal, and be narcisistic (self satisfying) as anyone you could imagine. I would be Mr. Popular, but have no real friends. You know the guys on the romantic comedy shows that look cool and have it all, but everybody that "knows" them hates them? Or how about in the new Disney movie Frozen <spoiler alert> there is the character Hans? I could be him.That God saved me from myself, that's pretty big to me.

There is the Jesus who saved me from being the bad guy in every romantic comedy. This would be a spiritual blessing to me. Why should I come to believe while others continue on rejecting this teaching?

Then there is the Jesus who has sustained this family since it began. Not only did I graduate college married and debt free, but within a year I was able to buy a house and a new car. In all my years of employment I never failed to receive a bonus - even if the company had a losing year. I'm not suggesting that my tithe was in exchange for these material blessings, but that as I was faithful, He proved himself faithful to me.

Then there is the Jesus who puts me in relationships that grow me. This could be small groups, youth groups, a boss or employee. There were years where I met mentors in the workplace and mentors in the church. In addition to the people he brought to me, there are the people that are dearest to me, my wife and kids, my parents and extended family. Perhaps I am lucky to have so many people that genuinely care for me. So I'm thankful for the relationships around me.

Lastly, there is the Jesus that answers prayer. Surely you have prayed for good weather or safe travels. How many people ask for these things and never say thanks?! And what about the healing for sickness, or the restoration of relationships that have gone bad? Again, are thanks in order? Let's not forget the encounter Jesus has with ten leppers in Luke 17:11-19.

Jesus Heals Ten Men With Leprosy

Thinking this all through, there seem to be spiritual, material, relational, and personal blessings. When you get to T in ACTS, think of these four things that you are grateful for.


Luke 17:11-19
Now on his way to Jerusalem, Jesus traveled along the border between Samaria and Galilee. As he was going into a village, ten men who had leprosy met him. They stood at a distance and called out in a loud voice, “Jesus, Master, have pity on us!”

When he saw them, he said, “Go, show yourselves to the priests.” And as they went, they were cleansed.

One of them, when he saw he was healed, came back, praising God in a loud voice. 16 He threw himself at Jesus’ feet and thanked him—and he was a Samaritan.

Jesus asked, “Were not all ten cleansed? Where are the other nine? Has no one returned to give praise to God except this foreigner?” Then he said to him, “Rise and go; your faith has made you well.”

ACTS II, Confession

Our church has recently started a new series for couples that were looking to focus on their marriage. This isn't a place where you go to find some new friends, this is a place to go when you realize if something doesn't change, the marriage could end.

The course hit a tough spot when it came to this area of confession. Many of us are unwilling to confess our sins one to another like it says in James 5:16 (Interesting that the Bible finishes that verse with "That you may be healed.").

Marriage is one place where it is important to keep a clean slate, but I also see it at work in my kids as they interact with each other. Each of us wants to believe that we are good. We're not trying to hurt anybody. But some how, some way, we do - even if we were trying to do the right thing. I've determined to try to keep a short account. I'll apologize even when I don't think I did anything wrong just to make peace and move on.

At least, that's what I tell myself. But in reality, when my wife and I hit the wall, I'm very reluctant to highlight my fault. I don't want to say "I was wrong for starting this conversation." Or "I'm sorry I said that. It was hurtful." The truth is, in those moments, I want the pain to stick.

I heard there was an Irish preacher who was recently converted to Christianity. He was previously a boxer. As he was setting up some tents for a travelling revival he was on, he started hearing taunts from some ruffians near by, they finally became bold enough to confront him directly. Sure enough, one struck him square across the face. The young preacher turned and defiantly stuck out his jaw - to which he received another blow. At that, the young Irish preacher took off his shirt and said "The Lord hath giv'n me no further instruction." and he promptly put an end to their meddling.

We do need to be cautious that we don't open ourselves up to abuse by one party. Constantly yielding can produce a false sense of authority in the other. We need to listen to each other and determine what is truth and what is false. And then we can have a better assessment of ourselves.

Turning this all back to the topic of prayer, we need to pray what we discover about ourselves back to God. Can you ask him for forgiveness? Can you say "Today I was a liar. Forgive me. Today I was a cheater. Forgive me. Today I was conceited, self-centered, overbearing, hot-tempered, lazy, sneaky, and I stole a cookie while nobody was looking. Forgive me."

Believe me, if you want to start correcting any areas of your life, pray/confess your sins to God daily. You'll want to stop saying those things about yourself. And you'll find that God's influence in your life (His power in you to change you) will increase.

James 5:16 Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective.

A place to start... ACTS

When I was first married, I would attempt to pray with my wife. But one of the things that I had a hard time doing was shutting out the rest of the world. So I would take time to enter into the most Holy place of humbleness before attempting to communicate with God.

This was a complicated process of visualizing myself walking past a ton of people into a church. Then past the people inside who would worship, then past the priests, then past a veil and finally into an inner room. And all the noise would dissipate. Then it was just me on my knees. quiet and ready to ...

.... ZZZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz my wife was out cold. She would simply go to sleep while I was trying to have this uber spiritual moment. The silence was broken and I was back out in the crowd, angry and frustrated.

Perhaps my idea of getting alone needed to be when I was alone. So I sought after a new prayer technique and I adopted this for many years. I would use it in group settings as well as at meal time. The cool thing is that it really does force you to think beyond yourself.

It was called ACTS. It's easy to remember because it is one of the books of the New Testament.

A - Adoration. Spend time thinking specifically about God, what he did (creation to Christ). I find it enough to say "You are amazing. You are beyond my understanding. Everywhere I go, you're there. Wow!"
C - Confession. This is harder to do in groups, so if this isn't a group you want to dump all your sins on, it is best to be general, "I'm messed up and you know it." But if you are alone or with a person pushing you in your walk with God, I would get specific, "God, I cheated a customer today, I lied, I was selfish at home."
T - Thanksgiving. Take time to recognize the goodness He has brought you in the day. Really, I should say the good and bad. Everything has a purpose, we should be thankful for each moment.
S - Supplication (Requests). I've had a hard time with that one - but you have to admit ACTR just isn't a good acronym. Really, after powering through ACT, you're probably itching to get to your requests. But you'll find that at a meal or after a meeting, by the time you've gotten through ACT, you're probably wanting to wrap it up.

So the beauty of the model is that you put your requests last. And you spend less time with your laundry list for God and you've expanded your conversation with Him to be more than just the same old same old. The other thing is that it reminds us of the different parts of growing a relationship. Surely, if you care about your fitness at all, you don't just do ONE thing. Like having the strongest right arm would look and feel stupid if the rest of your body was not proportionally balance.

So my challenge is to work on deepening your conversation with God.

If Adoration is hard for you, check out the Psalms. Read what others said about God. You'll start to get the picture.

Psalm 8
Lord, our Lord,
    how majestic is your name in all the earth!
You have set your glory
    in the heavens.
Through the praise of children and infants
    you have established a stronghold against your enemies,
    to silence the foe and the avenger.
When I consider your heavens,
    the work of your fingers,
the moon and the stars,
    which you have set in place,
what is mankind that you are mindful of them,
    human beings that you care for them?
You have made them a little lower than the angels
    and crowned them with glory and honor.
You made them rulers over the works of your hands;
    you put everything under their feet:
all flocks and herds,
    and the animals of the wild,
the birds in the sky,
    and the fish in the sea,
    all that swim the paths of the seas.
Lord, our Lord,
    how majestic is your name in all the earth!