This post has a couple parts to it. First, my journal and pessimism shine through. Second, what I actually practice. As you read this, just hear my honesty and try not to judge. If you have personal experiences that reinforce or refute my comments, I'd be happy to hear them.
Asking for stuff, why bother
One thing I know is that he doesn't answer all my prayers. Even in the Bible, there are times when the disciples tried to perform the miracles that Jesus had instructed them to perform and they couldn't. Then Jesus comes along and takes care of things.
Frustration for me sets in at this point. God is capable, but are we? The disciples didn't know that they also needed to be fasting in order to perform that miracle. Like there is a cook book for getting your prayers answered.
Perhaps that is my problem. I read the verses about the persistent widow (who gets what she wants by pestering). Is that how you get prayers answered? Or from James 4 "you have not because you ask not, but then when you ask you ask with wrong motives." In modern times, that means we ask and then we say "not my will but yours be done." Which to me is the giant cop-out for "I have no faith." So I have to ask, but then I have to ask with right motives? How can I tell if my motives are pure?
John Piper writes:
One of the signs that God is going to do a great work is that he begins to stir up his people to pray for it. He lays a burden on a person here and a person there. He brings it back to their mind again and again. It stalks them. It drives them to their knees. Or it catches them on their knees.
When God aims to do a great work, the first thing he harnesses is the power of prayer. He starts by planting the spark of desire in a few hearts. Then through prayer he fans it into a flame. Then the flame of desire and faith spreads to others. Soon large numbers are on their knees imploring the great work. Then God acts. Then he pours down his blessing. God loves to do great works of redemption. But even more he loves to do it in answer to prayer.
So - essentially, you know your motives are right when God plants them in you...
Joan of Arc had this happen. At age 18, she was compelled by God to liberate France. She said the pestering in her ears was such she had to obey. It is interesting that after fulfilling the call to put the King on the throne in France, she said the burden was gone and she begged to go home. But the French leaders persuaded her into one more battle. She was captured and then burned at the stake. Nice. Way to obey God Joan.
I say all this with pessimism in my voice. But at the same time, I've had too many people come and share their direct answers to prayer with me. I have to believe that God does answer prayer. I just don't know which ones, why, and what purpose they all ultimately serve. I feel God is going to do what God is going to do. For instance, who was praying for Saul's conversion/salvation? Nobody is mentioned in the Bible, but it does say that he is God's chosen instrument.
So you can see Thomas saying "God help me to be a disciple that represents you well." and God is like "Yeah, I'm going to use someone else. Thanks for playing."
And that's how I feel. I desire. I pray. I get sidelined. God has other plans. And so I've begun to ask the question, "What does it look like to be on the sideline for Jesus?" How many millions of people are out there like me? Somehow, they've been burdened with a desire to serve, but have been rejected by God's well intentioned chosen leaders. So they go to church, fill a pew, maybe even send in a tithe check. And check out the rest of the week.
All that to say - perhaps my pessimism is the reason I feel my supplication prayers are ineffective.
My reality
Last thing. In case you are wondering, I regularly pray for my entire (living) family. I also pray specifically for missionaries, leaders (in and out of the church), friends, and perhaps most of all I pray for myself. You can tell that I wrestle with God. But His activity in my life has left me no choice. I can't deny that God is real any more than I can deny I have parents. It turns out that I can no more figure out God than I can figure out myself. But I have learned that He is big enough to handle my doubts and my arguments.
My model for prayer is to take different days of the week to focus on different aspects. So do what works for you. In addition to all your prayers, choose to pray for something specific each day of the week.
Sunday - pray for the church
Monday - pray for yourself (you need it, it's Monday)
Tuesday - pray for the one person you want to know Christ
Wednesday - pray for leaders everywhere (Country, Church, Sports, Work, etc)
Thursday - pray for the needy/the weak
Friday - pray for your friends
Saturday - pray for those closest to you
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