You knew this would happen

Being a Christ follower does not exempt us from the uncertainties of life. We face life-changing events, relational challenges, health crises, financial distress, job related stresses, etc... But what we know about God's character and how we respond to life based on this knowledge is what truly distinguishes us as a child of God.

Psalm 139
For the director of music. Of David. A psalm.

You have searched me, Lord,
    and you know me.
You know when I sit and when I rise;
    you perceive my thoughts from afar.
You discern my going out and my lying down;
    you are familiar with all my ways.
Before a word is on my tongue
    you, Lord, know it completely.
You hem me in behind and before,
    and you lay your hand upon me.
Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
    too lofty for me to attain.
Where can I go from your Spirit?
    Where can I flee from your presence?
If I go up to the heavens, you are there;
    if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.
If I rise on the wings of the dawn,
    if I settle on the far side of the sea,
even there your hand will guide me,
    your right hand will hold me fast.
If I say, “Surely the darkness will hide me
    and the light become night around me,”
even the darkness will not be dark to you;
    the night will shine like the day,
    for darkness is as light to you.
For you created my inmost being;
    you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
    your works are wonderful,
    I know that full well.
My frame was not hidden from you
    when I was made in the secret place,
    when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.
Your eyes saw my unformed body;
    all the days ordained for me were written in your book
    before one of them came to be.
How precious to me are your thoughts, God!
    How vast is the sum of them!
Were I to count them,
    they would outnumber the grains of sand—
    when I awake, I am still with you.
If only you, God, would slay the wicked!
    Away from me, you who are bloodthirsty!
They speak of you with evil intent;
    your adversaries misuse your name.
Do I not hate those who hate you, Lord,
    and abhor those who are in rebellion against you?
I have nothing but hatred for them;
    I count them my enemies.
Search me, God, and know my heart;
    test me and know my anxious thoughts.
See if there is any offensive way in me,
    and lead me in the way everlasting.

From Woodinville Alliance, Roland Classen 10/4/2015

Dependent and Rejected

I wonder if my frustration with God has been that I've tried to live a life dependent upon Him. My wife and I recount the year we made just $1000 a month. We lived on $12000 a year. WOW! And never did we fear for our future.

That entire time, we were faithful to give our tithe to the church. And never thought about what we would get in return. We simply acted out of obedience to the scripture.

Yet there was a pivotal time in our past when I looked at Dawn and said "Should I give up this engineering degree and pursue Youth Ministry?" And she said "No." Because at the time, it would have been motivated by a desire to be with her rather than to do the ministry.

But now that time has passed, I'm not sure that is the case. I believe that my true motivation was to reach youth in the crux of their adolescence. And that cry to switch paths was not only a cry to be with my future wife, but to serve youth in some full time capacity.

The story plays out that I would pick engineering and run a successful 15 year career while coaching soccer and doing youth ministry on the side. On the side, of course, meant anywhere from 10-20 hours per week - sometimes serving as the youth Director or interim youth leader.

And all that time, we did it not expecting anything in return, but because this is what was on my heart to do. I received at most a $5 Starbucks card for my labor. Meanwhile, my real job was not satisfying. I have lamented at least eight years of the fifteen as the most frustrating years of my life. The majority of the joy in my life is seeing young men become men of honor.

So when the opportunity came to potentially become a full time youth minister I was optimistic and cautious. The question became, "God, will you provide for me and allow me to do the ministry that you have laid on my heart to do for some 20 years now?"

Quite simply, the answer came back "No." And in fact, He said you're going to be rejected by people that call you "friend" and know you really well. They are going to size up your work and your service and say that they would rather take a chance on someone unknown than see you in that position. My history, experience, and success weren't forgotten per se, they were rejected.

By the world's standards, I'm an idiot walking away from a successful secular career. By Christian standards, I'm lazy for not getting back in the ministry. And who is right? Both? Does God have any say in this? or is it all man's doing? Is it all me completely missing the boat on what God wants from me? What is the right answer? Go back to a 9-5 and be unsatisfied another 15 years? Get into the ministry again when your "friends" tell you you aren't good enough?

I'm dependent upon someone who's work on the cross did all the work. It isn't up to me to "save" people. I can only point them to Christ. And if you follow me, you'll end up broke and confused. But you know what? Jesus didn't have a home. He didn't have an income. And I don't suppose he really thought the cross was a good idea. But he had God. Oh - and His favor. Which I seem to be a little short on.

We were faithful. We were dependent. We were rejected. We are faithful. We are dependent. We are waiting. I just hope we aren't forgotten.