That entire time, we were faithful to give our tithe to the church. And never thought about what we would get in return. We simply acted out of obedience to the scripture.
Yet there was a pivotal time in our past when I looked at Dawn and said "Should I give up this engineering degree and pursue Youth Ministry?" And she said "No." Because at the time, it would have been motivated by a desire to be with her rather than to do the ministry.
But now that time has passed, I'm not sure that is the case. I believe that my true motivation was to reach youth in the crux of their adolescence. And that cry to switch paths was not only a cry to be with my future wife, but to serve youth in some full time capacity.
The story plays out that I would pick engineering and run a successful 15 year career while coaching soccer and doing youth ministry on the side. On the side, of course, meant anywhere from 10-20 hours per week - sometimes serving as the youth Director or interim youth leader.
And all that time, we did it not expecting anything in return, but because this is what was on my heart to do. I received at most a $5 Starbucks card for my labor. Meanwhile, my real job was not satisfying. I have lamented at least eight years of the fifteen as the most frustrating years of my life. The majority of the joy in my life is seeing young men become men of honor.
So when the opportunity came to potentially become a full time youth minister I was optimistic and cautious. The question became, "God, will you provide for me and allow me to do the ministry that you have laid on my heart to do for some 20 years now?"
Quite simply, the answer came back "No." And in fact, He said you're going to be rejected by people that call you "friend" and know you really well. They are going to size up your work and your service and say that they would rather take a chance on someone unknown than see you in that position. My history, experience, and success weren't forgotten per se, they were rejected.
By the world's standards, I'm an idiot walking away from a successful secular career. By Christian standards, I'm lazy for not getting back in the ministry. And who is right? Both? Does God have any say in this? or is it all man's doing? Is it all me completely missing the boat on what God wants from me? What is the right answer? Go back to a 9-5 and be unsatisfied another 15 years? Get into the ministry again when your "friends" tell you you aren't good enough?
I'm dependent upon someone who's work on the cross did all the work. It isn't up to me to "save" people. I can only point them to Christ. And if you follow me, you'll end up broke and confused. But you know what? Jesus didn't have a home. He didn't have an income. And I don't suppose he really thought the cross was a good idea. But he had God. Oh - and His favor. Which I seem to be a little short on.
We were faithful. We were dependent. We were rejected. We are faithful. We are dependent. We are waiting. I just hope we aren't forgotten.
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