Rise by Lifting

The Bigger Picture

What is the bigger picture? I know that in sport, we often see some sort of objective and focus only on that objective.

Bowling might be the easiest to examine. Get a strike every time - that's the un-obscured clear cut, do it every time big picture.

But it turns out - maybe not. If you are on a team, you might need people with a good handicap score. I have to admit, this is one case where I don't get the bigger picture.

Often, I am frustrated by my average life. I can look around and say "I'm so good at this!" but I play a comparison game with someone else and say "But I'm not that good."

I've often said, I'm the jack of all trades, master of none. I really do believe I could do anything. I could teach, I could do HR, I could program, I could manage programs, I could manage products, I could coach, I could build buildings, I could be an astronomer, I could write, I could clean toilets or I could groom animals. It really doesn't matter.

You know what my biggest limitation is? Food. There are some things I just can't eat. Outside of that, I feel confident I could do about anything and be successful.

So what is the bigger picture for my life? I have to admit, the things I'm best at are around people. Do you know what it is like to love and be loved deeply? What about trust? It is wonderful to have trust. Being able to lift someone's day just by hanging out with them - that's pretty cool too.

I suppose I find that I have a bright mind which serves me well. But in the end, I'm not hoping they say how good I was at my job. Rather, I hope they say I loved well. If I keep my eye on this bigger picture, I feel like I am successful.

The Greater Lie

Is there a greater lie? Can you tell a lie that isn't important, a little white lie that doesn't matter?

Well the obvious answer is yes, you can. But then you have to ask the question, what do you sacrifice when you do something like that?

It wasn't too long ago that I was on this topic. But it came up again as I was in Proverbs 12 and Proverbs 30. I love this piece from Proverbs 30:

Two things I ask of you, Lord;
    do not refuse me before I die:
Keep falsehood and lies far from me;
    give me neither poverty nor riches,
    but give me only my daily bread.
Otherwise, I may have too much and disown you
    and say, ‘Who is the Lord?’
Or I may become poor and steal,
    and so dishonor the name of my God.

I love that. Let me be dependent enough to continually recognize your provision, and not so needy that I am compelled to steal.

But the first part is what stood out. This pairing is "Keep falsehood away" and "give me my daily bread."

I've often criticized myself for having a bad memory. Part of this is intentional. Like Einstein said “Paper is to write things down that we need to remember. Our brains are used to think.” I certainly employ this with my work.

But with my life, I don't want to have to write down the lies I've told. I only want to live a life that is open and with a clear conscious.

Remember from my earlier post, once you start a trail of lies, your brain will literally think on ways of validating those lies. The best thing is to not start down that path.

Just like many shavings make a pile, many small lies will add up to something significant - and I don't want you to find yourself in a situation where your world comes unraveled because of a series of small lies that led to a greater lie.

You Can't Win Them All

You can't win them all. That's what struck me when I was reading in Galatians today. In the first chapter, Paul is hounding the people of Galatia saying, "Hey! I told you something miraculous - why are you ignoring it?"

He points out that his life is a changed life. I can't think of one more changed. He was specifically one that attacked Christians, then he is confronted by Jesus Christ himself (note, this is the Jesus Christ that was crucified, but raised from the dead). This confrontation resulted in him receiving a divine revelation that taught him the message that we now call the Gospel.

He went from being a killer of Christians to being a creator of Christians. And given that he had the message directly from Jesus, the resurrected Christ (and not hearsay) it was a pretty direct and compelling message.

I can understand why he would write this letter to these people. He's astonished that they could ignore such an amazing love and call to love. So, sorry Paul, you can't win them all.

But you know what. I've read and heard the story too. I believe it. And I find myself struggling in my day to day to be victorious. Some days, I'm great. others, I struggle. In fact, as a new Christian, I was confronted regularly about things that God says in the Bible that I should apply to my life.

Take swearing. When I was in High School, everybody did it. I grew up in a military family. It was fairly normal in military life. You hear "Bad Words" quite often, but at what point and time did I realize that I didn't have control over it.

For me, I was an adult with four kids. I was playing soccer and someone took me down from behind. I landed on and split my knee cap. As I rolled around on the ground, I was swearing up a storm. That night and into the next week, my mind kept coming back to that. I was put in a cast from my toes to my hip, but what dug into my mind more was not my knee, but the fact that my teammates all knew I was a Christian, and I just went off so bad I could make a sailor blush.

I'm not perfect, but I've gone through more broken bones, car accidents, and heated discussions since that time. My words have changed. I'm more creative. There are more laughs after I "swear" with a Yosemite Sam "Dag-Nabbit!" than if I had said something else.

I can't win them all either. But I have made some huge strides in pushing back the dark side of myself.

What about you? What things (big or small) have you made huge strides in? Perhaps a full 180 like Paul?

Opposites

I find it no surprise that both fish and birds were created on the same day. Have you ever watched a school of fish move almost as one unit, then do the same for birds. They are amazing.

Have you ever looked at ash falling from the sky, and yet if it was white you could call it snow. Fire and Ice.

I just get caught up in the wonder of it all.

Have you noticed other opposites like that?


Like the biggest on of all, like how about the idea that death could bring life?

Working for a higher purpose

When a team "wins it all" the question becomes, "What are you going to do next?" If you don't repeat at the top, are you worse than you were last year?

Think about it this way, there was a point in time when we said it was impossible to break the 4 minute mile. But now we know you can.

Or, there was a time back in the 1900's when they were going to close the patent office because they thought we had reached enlightenment - what else could we possibly invent?

There is the idea of training to win. This will get you to a certain standard. But what about the idea of training to a standard? Or perhaps rather than working toward a goal, work for a reason.

Give purpose to what you are doing.

When we work, we are ultimately part of something bigger. In a traditional sense, it may be putting together a house, writing a new application, helping someone through life issues, or investing in the next generation. It is bigger than just you.

In sport, even individual sport, we are competing to be the best we can be. But that isn't about just an individual. Every top athlete has a coach, and probably a trainer. They spend time with other people in their field, learning from the mistakes of others. Even in the individual sports (like running), there is a tendency to interact with others, share articles, tips and tricks on recovery, where you give to others that are trying to learn from you.

Becoming the best is great, staying the best is great. But ultimately, working toward being the best with the talents you have been given, and creating the best work environment you possibly can means that your work is never really finished. You may look up and find yourself at the top of the heap. But the ultimate goal, to make yourself and those around you better is a higher calling.

Like the four minute mile, it may not be possible today. But what about tomorrow? How can you encourage the people around you to better and better and better? In doing so, create the best possible work place to be a part of.

Honor vs Honors

What is the difference between graduating with honors and earning the medal of honor?

In both cases, you have to earn it. Graduating with honors shows that you have taken the time and energy required to pass your courses.

What does this say about the person that graduates with honors? It might say they are dedicated to their studies - but we all know this is only true some of the time. That's because we all have met the accidental genius that just seems to be able to memorize history and math facts as easily as the alphabet. They make the typical honors student mad with how easy they earn their grades.

But in general, we might say they worked hard. It doesn't tell us if they are going to be a good boss, a good parent, or a good spouse. It simply tells us they can study and pass an exam.

What about the medal of honor? Well, you have to join the military for one. And after that, you have to do something that shows "Conspicuous gallantry and intrepidity at the risk of life above and beyond the call of duty."

That's a lot of words to say "I was willing to lay my life down for the good of others."

Interesting how one honor is a measure of the mind, while the other might be a measure of the heart.

Both are commendable. But I have to admit, beyond education, it is hard to earn more honors for intellect. However, even the simplest among us (Forest Gump) are capable of earning honor that comes from a heart condition.

How might you earn honor in your day to day? Certainly, you don't have to take a bullet. But honor can come from, well, honesty. Another thing you might find is that being sincere or dependable are characteristics others value and... honor.

What about living out your honor? Being respectful, helpful, and thoughtful toward others - whether friend, stranger, or enemy. Being consistent to yourself despite how others treat you. These are again honorable traits.

In all these cases, these things are within your power to control. Will you make a choice to live honorably? What specifically will you do (at home, at work, at play)?

Needed

It's strange. When you go down the street, you see "Help Wanted" signs in the windows of stores. But what if there was a sign that said "Help Needed?" Is there a difference?

There seems to be an internal desire to be needed. In fact, most people need something. It may not be a physical thing at all.

There is something I do that I didn't really notice. But I discovered when I'm mixing a lot - in a semi-social semi-professional environment. I make eye contact and I smile at people.

You know, this simple gesture seems to make people smile. And that, in return, makes me feel like I gave them something. Which is true. Apparently smiling reduces stress. So I reduce stress, and the person that smiles back is reducing stress. Which makes me glad I did it.

The thing is, people need more than a smile. They need conversation. They need affirmation. They need encouragement. They need to be cared for physically. They need to be touched physically. They need help even when they say they don't. People need each other.

I find this at work in my home. I need my wife and she needs me. I need my kids, and they need me. How we express those needs is challenging. Ultimately, we desire comfort. So putting my family needs above my own can be uncomfortable.

But I learned a long time ago that if I lift someone up, they will in turn lift me up. Maybe not the first time, or the second time, but with time, they will reciprocate. And as we love each other, we can build to greater things.

The more I humble myself, the more those around me become humble and do the same.

Lend a helping hand today.

Forgiveness Changes You

Do you have something that pops to your mind when you think "Forgive and Forget?"

I usually jump to one of the big hurts in my life and I realize that I'm identifying the hurt first. Second, I remember the people that were involved in causing that hurt.

At no point in thinking about "Forgive & Forget" do I think about the moment I forgave the person that hurt me. And clearly, I'm remembering the issue, not forgetting it. Isn't that weird?

Now consider the opposite side. Have you ever done something that ended up hurting someone else? It may be a surprise to you to find this difficult to bring to mind. "Have I ever been so cruel?"

Ironically, I'm sure we have. By and large, I think people believe the best about themselves. It is hard to think about yourself in a negative way - as in someone that makes a choice to hurt someone else.

Pretty much, I believe most people are good. But that doesn't stop us from messing up and whether intentionally (out of selfish desires) or unintentionally hurting others.

They say holding onto unforgiveness is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.

In fact, forgiveness may bring enormous benefits. WebMD says you are likely to enjoy lower blood pressure, a stronger immune system, and a drop in the stress. You may also feel less back pain, have fewer digestive issues and headaches may become less frequent.

That sounds nice.

Ultimately, when I come back to Forgive and Forget, I really come back to something I've adopted called "replacement theory." That is, I need to replace bad things with good.

In the case of a person that has hurt me, I need to first recognize they may be just like me - not that bad after all. Second, I need to look for positive engagements with them. That is, part of forgiving is replacing the hurt with joy.

This is probably both hardest and easiest with our family. First, these wounds can be the worst. More and more today we are discovering young people with horrific abuse in their past (apologies for bringing this up). But the restoration of those young people to their relatives is the most powerful.

Think of it like being forgiven a debt of $1 so you could buy a coke vs being forgiven the debt owed on your home. It is quite possible you have forgotten to pay back someone some small change it is so insignificant, but how can you pay back someone who pays off your home? That payment is powerful.

My hope is that you can find ways of letting go of hurt and becoming empowered by forgiveness. I know that my life was changed by forgiveness.

Freedom, Happiness

Life is tricky. It seems some people hit the jack pot without even trying. I ran into a friend of mine that I used to skateboard with. He had problems passing most of his classes but made it through. He wasn't the most popular of people. In fact, he was usually one of the guys that was easily swayed into doing things on the edge. Perfect fraternity pledge type.

Fast forward 25 years and we both have kids on the swim team. But he is living in waterfront property with country club manicured yards and maids etc, while I'm hoping my car doesn't break down because I'll have no way of repairing it.

On the one side, I might be unhappy about my living situation and jealous of his apparent "living the life" type of outward appearance.

But here is the other side. My buddy was lit. Meaning, the only way he was really finding happiness was to escape to something that gives him an artificial buzz. And as for me, I have it better than so many people. If I live on the edge of bankruptcy for the rest of my life, I'm still rich beyond so many.

Blessings are everywhere if you look for them and stop comparing yourself to the Instagram / Facebook / Twitter worlds.

I walked away from a great career. In doing so, I estimate I've left maybe three quarters of a million dollars on the table. That seems shocking to me. And right now, I have peace. I don't have a nice car, a beautiful yard, but I'm happy - so happy in the simple things.

I find that I left aimlessness to seek purpose.

The journey continues.

I lift my eyes up

We all do it. Every morning we wake up and something addresses us. It may be the dread of a new work day. It may be the joy of our spouse. It may be the uncertainty of a message, phone call or email response we haven't received.

Every day we wake up and we start.

The way each day will look to you all starts with whom you're looking too.

Ultimately, we all pray. When we hear something that someone is going through, we sympathize with them and want to help them, if only we knew how. "I'll pray for you." There is that moment when you are stressed to hear of a horrible accident and we utter the words "Oh God, no! Please no!" Or the times when we are so happy, we can't help but turn our eyes up and say "Thank you."

Somewhere deep inside us, we long to acknowledge that this isn't just chance. We can't reconcile how one glob of goo decided, decided, to be a fish with a glowing orb and another decided a graceful gazelle.

And if we align ourselves with the idea that someone is capable of interceeding in our lives, then each day can look quite different, right from the start.

For me, I know that I'm horrible at prayer. Maybe better than some, but certainly not where I want to be. My goal is to do better, one day at a time. To lift up my family, my friends, my coworkers and those that are against me.

Perhaps the hardest person to pray for is myself.

Measure of a Heart

I was at an event recently. It was designed to allow people to socialize and really determine if this is a group of people you could hang out with.

We've all been there. You show up at a social event and it is kind of like that Heineken Commercial "Cheers to the unexpected" You are the guy in a suit when everybody else is in a costume. Or you were expecting a couple people and you're shoulder to shoulder standing room only.

Socially we run into the same thing. You find yourself talking to the astrophysicist in the room. Or the person that knows everything about every subject. And let's not forget the me-monster.

Recently, I was being social, helping people relax and laugh when the laughter was interrupted by "Well let's let her answer the question!" My immediate thought was "you don't get invited to many parties do you?"

But the point for me is what makes a person someone you genuinely want to be around? I've been around some really intelligent people. And there is always a real person inside. The guy that founded the company, literally, did what Apple did with Xerox and made a GUI system out of nothing. And I was able to find he's a beach volleyball player. Bottle bottom glasses and a beach volleyball player.

Similarly, there are people at these events that want to be social, but don't know how. You have the opportunity to spread the circle wider. I often say I have DES (Darting Eye Syndrome) because I bring someone into the circle, then immediately start looking for the next outlier.

You have to be willing to pause, and inquire about the details. There is an intangible element to it. I always go back to the heart condition. I'm a guy that is changed. I know that if I wasn't captured by a love that is unconditional, I wouldn't know what it would be like to love other people in the same way.

I really believe when you interact with people, you can sense their heart condition. It's like the Hallmark movies. Right away you can tell who has the big heart and is genuine, and who has the wrong motivations in life. And you're wondering why the main character hasn't figured it out yet.

At tryouts, my son was reflecting on the same thing. In an hour and a half, he's commenting about the negative vibes he gets from players that are just trying to show off they are the best. When really the coach is looking to find he players that not only have good skills, but also have great attitudes.

Many great minds are amazing and wonderful. And these could be considered great people. But I believe the true measure of a man is around his heart.

Becoming a Team

For the last week, I've observed over six tryouts. This is actually down from previous years.

This year I told the boys in advance that I want the hardest competition they face this year to be on the practice pitch. I want them to be ready for every other team, tackle, situation because their teammates pushed them to the limit in practice.

So I fully expected guys to get taken down and maybe even hurt. But again, I clarified, we are pushing each other to be better. And we will not intentionally hurt each other. Further, we will not take offense if we are hurt by our own teammates.

No harm intended. No harm taken.

It is important to me to build in a sense of competition, companionship and respect. So after a hard tackle, I expect my players to help others back to their feet.

As we walk though life, there are going to be times when we get knocked down. I do believe that sometimes it will be deliberately. But most of the time, we are going to get knocked down by people we might call friends.

I've been hurt. Over the last five years I've struggled with some hard hits by people I would have considered friends. All along the way there have been teammates to help me back up. People that love me despite my situation. In all honesty, I don't think I could have survived without them.

The closest of those teammates is my wife. And that is something that I can't stress enough. You need to find someone who will be true to you through thick or thin. Someone who's words you can trust - even if they hurt. Someone who will lift you up when you are down.

As I've come to the other side (at least seeing the light at the end of the tunnel), I now see my role as one to lift up others again. I need to help not just my family, but those around me.

Make it a goal to be a great teammate, to push others to their best, and to help them up when they are down. You know you need and expect the same from them.