Groups for Good

I've found in life that you may have a boundary like, holding hands with a girl. But then one day, you hold hands with a girl and you never want to go back. That sounds simple, but think about how far kids (minors) go these days to get attention.

I wonder how many times we get swayed by the crowd. I look at high school these days and am shocked at what a crazy place it is. Think of how they dress, treat teachers, or talk. Literally, most kids can't speak a full sentence without swearing. And I'm not sure most of them would wear those things to your average restaurant.

So where does that come from? I suppose that we could argue that many in the home are experiencing foul mouthed parents who lounge around in their underwear. But what are the other influences. I don't know of many (popular) video games that openly use swear words in every sentence. However, I do see/hear it in music videos.

But take those same kids and put them in a job interview in a coffee shop. Suddenly, they lose their favorite expletive. They dress nice. They have respect for authority. By and large, they can act like an adult for a while.

It seems obvious. “Bad company corrupts good character.”

Perhaps that is why alternative schools are getting so much traction. If you take the students out of the "bad" environment, then they are more likely to focus on the good things they can do to change their current situation.

The bigger question I have for you is whether or not you can run against the crowd? For instance, can you be in the caustic environment and survive unscathed? Perhaps for a short time. If you are surrounded by a good group in a caustic environment, you are probably less likely to be impacted.

One last story. I moved from a small town in Idaho to a suburb of Washington DC. The first thing I noticed was how quickly students walked to class. I'd be in mozie mode and kids would go flying by me "walking." I thought to myself, "This is just a faster pace."

Three years later I went to college and within my first week I realized I was "walking" to class faster than everyone else on campus. Without really noticing, I had been influenced by my environment.

The important thing is that we get back to what we know is right, surround ourselves with those that we want to emulate. Good will rub off on good.

Guiding Lights

Sometimes we need someone to knock some sense into us.

I think it is interesting how we react to feedback. On the one side, we can get upset. On the other, we can be grateful.

I'm in the middle of it now. I just finished writing a letter to help someone get out on parole. The idea being that my reference goes a long way in saying this person is a good person and will play nice and stop making bad choices. That certainly is my hope.

There is a proverb that says "Whoever abandons the right path will be severely disciplined. Whoever hates correction will die."

Harsh. But perhaps that is why we call prisons "correctional facilities." Honestly, I've hired criminals who are changed - "I never want to go back." And I've talked to criminals who say "It was pretty good in there - way better than out here."

Well my challenge for today is that we love on people before they get to a point of doing something stupid. I've said it before, people are sold on ideas that they think will bring them pleasure. But honestly, I think people want to be connected.

There is only so much one person can do. But last I counted, there are more "good guys" than "bad guys." So if each of the good guys would make a point of helping connect the down and outs, where could we be?

And this is where the tough love comes in. Words from a friend can be trusted. Sometimes we need to become a friend first in order to be able to knock some sense into someone. Better a friend than a correctional facility.

What's happening on the inside?

Beautiful. There are places like this all over the world. But what you don't see is that this is a volcano. There are even places that have volcanoes like this where they have built golf courses (and I'm not talking about Hawaii).

In most cases, geologists can tell if a volcano has gone dormant. But who knows for sure? Just like water can find the easiest route to the ocean, I'm pretty sure gas beneath the surface can find it's way through just about any obstacle.

So what is the danger here? For the most part, nothing. But it does beg the question; do you have a volcano in you? Is there something that you are hiding that may blow some day if it was found out?

I don't live my life in fear of this moment. I try to live with as much integrity as possible. But I'm a human, just like you. I'm not perfect and sometimes I fail. You can ask my kids or my wife.

But each day, I try to live as openly as possible. I want to be approachable and transparent. I find that if I can build trust with others, I can speak truth into their lives that helps them see the world differently. And hopefully, that ability to relate, build trust, and love others becomes contagious.

Play it forward.

Who is influencing who

you will never influence the world by
trying to be like it

Japan just passed legislation to uphold mandatory sterilization for people who want a sex change. Interesting.

"Japan’s top court has upheld a law requiring sterilization for transgender people to get their gender changed on official documents but acknowledged the law is increasingly becoming out of step with the international standard." says the Seattle Times.

I'm going to make a weird suggestion. What if the reason people are attracted to this option in the first place is because they believe who they are is not "lovable" or not "who they really are."

I just have to stop and summarize. I believe that the idea of a sex change is planted in people's heads by an industry that is making tons of money. I suppose they think that by selling body parts they are selling "love."

If they convince you that you are not lovable as you are, or that you would be better if you were different, then I feel I have failed. When I say I have failed, I mean my beliefs are not as influential as they once were.

I believe that you are exactly who you were meant to be. I know that means sometimes you will get a horrible disease and die before your time. I know sometimes that means you will have a long term disability. I know that sometimes that means you will wish you were a different gender. There is a purpose for pain. I may not like it, but there is a purpose.

I identify with a song by Matthew West that speaks about a guy that yells at God for all the hurt and trouble in this world. It really hits me in the chest.

My goal is to love you no matter who you are. I have friends that have had sex changes. It is surprising. But just because of this change, it doesn't mean my love for them is any more or any less.

I may not have a lot of compassion for the industry that is supporting this operation. But I do have a ton of compassion for the people that go through it or are thinking of going through it.

You have enough

Please set aside your feelings about Thomas Edison and his mother and whether or not this story is true. There are plenty of places that you can argue about that. What is true is his mother did teach him and like it or not, he made a significant impact on the culture at the time. What is also true is that he was labeled "addled." 

OK - so what do you expect? The dude was slated to go NOWHERE. And he made a significant splash. How many have you heard "I grew up on the streets..." and now they are a millionaire.

The point to me is that each person has a choice as to what they apply themselves to. I recommend a personal inventory. S.P.I.E.S

Make goals in each of these five categories:

Spiritual. Very few successful people will ignore this aspect of their lives. You shouldn't ignore it either.
Physical. You need to take care of this tent we live in. Your physical condition will impact all other areas of your life. Physical is also working with your world. Accomplishing something you may not think you could do (art, construction, gardening, etc)
Intellectual. This is where you never stop learning. Never stop. You can learn something new every day. Make that in and of itself a goal. But with the internet, you can get nano-degrees within months.
Emotional. You might consider this heart health. It is going to be closely related to how you feel when you wake up. Are you dreading the day or are you looking forward to it.
Social. On the one side, you can think "who am I hanging out with?" But I would encourage you to think "Who needs me to hang out with them?"

As you set goals, here are some things you need to keep in mind
(1) Make them Measurable. Put a quantity on it. For instance, I will write 25 blog posts.
(2) Time Constraint. I will write 25 blog posts this month. Similarly, don't let time be a reason to not do something. For instance, it takes less than a minute to do a set up Push-Ups. You can find a minute before bed to "squeeze it in" and you will be glad you didn't miss your commitment.
(3) Write it down. Check it off. Write it down. Check it off. Write it down. Check it off. ...
(4) Check it, reevaluate and adjust if needed
(5) Repeat.

Habits take about 30 days to form. So you need to stick at it.

Lastly, you have enough. You have been given everything you need to reach your goals. You only need to commit your mind to the task. Who is the greater person in this story? Edison, or his mother?

Sowing, Growing, Reaping. Sowing...

Some days are better than others. Recently, I've been investing in more conversations with my boys. They are at that stage of life where you realize you haven't invested enough and you rapidly start blithering on about all the wisdom you have that they need to make it in life.

But the joy for me recently was having three different conversations with three of them.

First, finding out that one was a leader and someone in the group was feeling left out. He took the time to talk with that person individually, and then with the group, and then was able to integrate the person back into the group. Nice!

Next was one asking about responsibilities related to college expenses. They were trying to balance the idea of living on their own in another state just to gain in-state tuition. Not a bad idea.

The last was the one who realized that he was just like one of the other guys. In fact, all of the other guys. He realized that there wasn't anything that makes him different, more compassionate, more inventive, harder working, more generous, more bold or kind.

He challenged himself create separation from the crowd by sowing seeds of joy wherever he can.

All three of these things are things that I did. And all three of these things are things that I value. At some point, I could assume that I told the boys something along these lines. But who knows which was more significant, my actions or my words.

In any case, I just need to keep Sowing - whatever that looks like. Leave the Growing to God, and let others Reap the benefits. I hope that my life will be multiplied through them.

Variety is the Spice of Life

Life isn't the same every day. Some days you are on top of the world, some days you get your heart ripped out.

I often wonder what it would be like if we only experienced the good things...

Take food for instance. I like apples and ice cream. Do I then hate apples because I like the taste of ice cream more? Or do I hate ice cream because it makes me fat and therefore like apples more?

Even good and delicious things need moderation. Have you ever tried a spoon full of cinnamon or vanilla? That will turn you inside out.

And we all know that veggies (yucky!) are good for us. And lemons are so delicious if you use them right. There are things we would never eat alone that when combined with other ingredients are delightful. Have you ever had an omelette? So many good things in there that you probably wouldn't eat by themselves.

Everything seems to have a place.

Spin that back to our daily life. Are the yucky things in life something that are good for me? I believe the answer is yes. Challenges help me to grow. Loss makes us appreciate what we have. There is good in the bad. And there can be peace in the heart ache. 

But we have to be willing to look for it. We have to be willing to press forward.

I love mountain top experiences, but if I was always on top of the mountain, I wouldn't really appreciate it as much.

A person who has grown up with ease, experiences less joy in the simple things of life. A person who has grown up with difficulty, experiences greater joy in the simple things of life.

My hope is to find as much joy as possible and help others to do the same. This life is awesome!

Leave Your Mark

I burned the obituaries today. That is, when it is cold and we are going to be home, I will start a fire. Today, I happened to pull out the obituary section and without reading a single entry or glancing to see if any of the faces were familiar, I crumpled them up and tossed them into the fire.

Someday, I'm going to be that face on the page and that there is going to be some text under my photo. I had a brief fleeting moment of "what will my obituary say?"

The answer always comes back the same.

"I just want to be known for loving others well."

The first question I have is whether or not I love my family well. Next, it would be did I love Jesus well? (Wow that sounds heavy). But it is the truth.

There are two people inside me all the time. Paul in Romans 7 says "I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do." - Yup... That's me.

Here's the thing. Most of us have an internal gauge of what right and wrong is. Helping someone is right. Kicking the dog is wrong. Sober people will admit that they seem to get this. But what about being selfish? It makes me happy, so it must be right. Right?

I believe in right and wrong and not a right and wrong that changes with time or culture. But since I can't seem to nail down these things (and honestly don't want to live by a list of right and wrongs) I choose a different path. I just want to love.

Galations 5 says it this way. "But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law."

When I am tempted to kick the dog (and believe me, I am), I choose a different action. And that is what is always going on inside me.

From Where I Sit

It has been a while since I sat down and wrote anything here. I have been on a journey of extreme frustration and patience. Let me summarize.

First, I was groomed "next in line" for a job that didn't come through. Second, I was following my passions into serving either the Youth or Soccer community - giving up security for the sake of having a healthy purpose. Everybody told me "You're an idiot to walk away without having the new thing securely in hand." And you know, they could be right - or perhaps I just had to exercise my faith.

Well, my faith was tried and tried again. I've essentially worked for peanuts the last several years and only one of those years was I actually doing anything I was passionate about.

And here I am again, I walked away from a secure job (that had potential to take off) to get back to what I was passionate about. 

And then this hit me. Five years. My kids have moved from Jr. High to High School. Am I more engaged with them? Am I being purposeful with the few remaining years I have with them? This is my FAVORITE time of life, am I helping them realize how much fun and joy they can find in this moment of their lives?

From where I sit, I have to ask whether or not I'm leading or coasting. Thus says the Lord: "I remember…the kindness of your youth…"  Jeremiah 2:2

Am I as spontaneously kind to God as I used to be, or am I only expecting God to be kind to me? When I was young I did so many things, was so active and pressing toward God and leading others with my passion and joy. Right now I feel it a great accomplishment to get out of bed and not disrespect him throughout the day. 

As I get myself back on track, motivated and moving, I want to journal more to my kids, for them, for myself. I want to revive my passion and kindness towards God and others. 

My kids are in their youth, in their prime. I need them to see and learn, not be told. I want a passionate, contagious love to pour into them from me. It isn't time to sit anymore, it is time to get back in the game. I am at a place where I get to see them thrive and stand on their own. These will be exciting years.