From Where I Sit

It has been a while since I sat down and wrote anything here. I have been on a journey of extreme frustration and patience. Let me summarize.

First, I was groomed "next in line" for a job that didn't come through. Second, I was following my passions into serving either the Youth or Soccer community - giving up security for the sake of having a healthy purpose. Everybody told me "You're an idiot to walk away without having the new thing securely in hand." And you know, they could be right - or perhaps I just had to exercise my faith.

Well, my faith was tried and tried again. I've essentially worked for peanuts the last several years and only one of those years was I actually doing anything I was passionate about.

And here I am again, I walked away from a secure job (that had potential to take off) to get back to what I was passionate about. 

And then this hit me. Five years. My kids have moved from Jr. High to High School. Am I more engaged with them? Am I being purposeful with the few remaining years I have with them? This is my FAVORITE time of life, am I helping them realize how much fun and joy they can find in this moment of their lives?

From where I sit, I have to ask whether or not I'm leading or coasting. Thus says the Lord: "I remember…the kindness of your youth…"  Jeremiah 2:2

Am I as spontaneously kind to God as I used to be, or am I only expecting God to be kind to me? When I was young I did so many things, was so active and pressing toward God and leading others with my passion and joy. Right now I feel it a great accomplishment to get out of bed and not disrespect him throughout the day. 

As I get myself back on track, motivated and moving, I want to journal more to my kids, for them, for myself. I want to revive my passion and kindness towards God and others. 

My kids are in their youth, in their prime. I need them to see and learn, not be told. I want a passionate, contagious love to pour into them from me. It isn't time to sit anymore, it is time to get back in the game. I am at a place where I get to see them thrive and stand on their own. These will be exciting years.