Reputation Matters

I had to do a coaching test yesterday. All the information was about "Awareness."

Are you aware that teenagers are victims of sexual harassment not only by adults, but also by their peers? Are you aware that coaches and students alike are responsible for their behavior when it comes to bullying? In the case of abuse, there is a requirement as a coach that we MUST report it to the authorities (police) before we can report it to the school we work for.

I suppose I'm fine with all of this. When I think about the stories I've been told, hazing used to be more normal as sort of a right of passage. It could seriously hit all of those "bad things" in one evening.

There are two things that get me on this. First, we are pumping these "non-adults" with "adult" things. Honestly, most of the music that adults find offensive is geared toward the kids. Seems that "ratings" are not really the issue. It is access.

Similarly, I don't understand how "kids" can get access to free condoms and pregnancy tests at school. Is that like saying "Look, we know you are going to do it, so let's just make it easier for you." And then we turn around and make the coaches and teachers (the adults) responsible or liable if the kid has non-consenting sex with another student.

Reputation matters. Let's be honest, everybody wants to be invited to the "cool kid" party. I know I did way back in 8th grade. What I didn't know was how crazy the party was going to be. At the party, I was offered both alcohol and sex. Somehow, I managed to get out unscathed.

In High School, same thing. College, same again. You can't go to a fraternity party and not expect to see humanity at its lowest.

But here is where my reputation comes in. I grew up in a house where drinking was allowed. The first time I "chugged" a whole beer was after a rugby practice in High School - AT HOME with my MOM. And I dated a lot of girls in High School and was asked to sneak out. A LOT of girls. I didn't sneak out and I didn't sleep with any of them. And at the end of the year, I had A LOT of girls that valued our dates and valued our relationship - non-sexual, just friends, best of luck to you.

I carried that reputation to college hundreds of miles away and when I was in those fraternity parties, girls found me and asked me to "Please, take my beer. I don't want to get drunk," or looping an arm with mine "Can I hang with you? I don't like this other guy's advances." I was at the party, NOT drinking, but having fun and helping those that also wanted to have fun without the alcohol and other temptations.

My thing here is that my reputation is that I'm in control of myself. I drink when I want to drink, I don't drink to get drunk. I set up scenarios so that I'm not alone with a girl - so I don't fall into a tempting situation. And that reputation helps keep me out of trouble.

When you are raising your kids, help them think about boundaries before they need them. My son looked at me and said "You're the one that told me not to kiss until I'm married!" To which I laugh now. I never said that. But we had a talk where he decided on his own where to draw that line. I don't even know that I saw the outcome of his decision. But, he blames me :). Perfect!

As a parent, you can tell. You can tell by the friends they keep, the clothes they wear, the music they listen to, the games they play, and the way they treat you.

Start young! Shape the path. Reputation matters.