When I got a phone number, it was with the intention that someday I might take that person out. So over the five year period (three high school, two post high school) I probably went on at least one date with most of those people.
To be clear, "A Date." It is a specific time on the calendar where we choose to get together in the same vehicle and go to the same place together. We MAY have other people, but most of the time, it was just me and my "date," a friend.
Why do I say this? Well because today I've heard of people who are "dating" which means they like each other so much that they always sit next to each other at events and they text each other and they smile a lot at each other. But they may have never actually gone on a "date." In my world, that is "going steady." "Dating" is the act of taking someone on a date.
What is sad is that in the schools, kids who are dating might make-out in the halls. And if they are willing to do this, then what are they willing to do when they get in private? As your mind floats to an answer, ask yourself if this is dating or if this is gratifying our sex drive that happens to be in high gear during high school or college.
Sorry - this is a little crude. But honestly we (society) have said that this is acceptable behavior. So how are we really supposed to find a best friend for life when the lust factor has been satisfied (or disappointed). Potentially the best part of a relationship is burned up like a firework and everything after that feels like hard work.
As someone who has been married for nearly a quarter century, there is a point where you realize the honeymoon is over. They talk about this in work settings too. "He's been here about three months, now he gets that it isn't all roses, but hard work."
Relationships are more than just physical. That's critical to understand. If you are looking for the love of your life, make the physical part of your relationship the last thing you focus on.
Again, going back to my dating experience, someone had to past muster - or a baseline to make it into my little red book. They had to have some personality that would entice me to want to hang with them for more than a class period. Getting them out on the date would tell me if I would like to hang out with them again. Getting them out on multiple dates meant they were intriguing enough to get to know deeper.
Before I ever laid lips on these dates, I had already established a real relationship - more than "math is a drag, let's skip class and make-out," kind of conversations.
Here's the kicker for me. If you hold off on the holding hands, the kiss and focus on the caring (acts of service, gifts, words of affirmation, and quality time) then you will always have something to look forward to. Proverbs says a longing fulfilled is a tree of life.
I can say "AMEN!" to that. My wedding kiss was so long that the congregation went from applause to silence to laughter to silence to laughter to silence to applause. It was special. We made that kiss special. I'll have to save how we did that for another post.
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