The Middle Ages

I'm not talking about some feudal society in Medieval times. Although, Feudal (a 3M Bookshelf game) is one of my favorite games.

No - today I'm talking about this time of life. My middle ages. I worked a successful job for 15 years and was really just done .Why? Well it was a small company without a lot of upward potential for me. I could have continued on and received a pay check month after month - but that's just not where it is for me.

My wife put it this way; as we examined all the things that we did in our week, we found that the thing with the least amount of purpose was the J.O.B. This thing sucked up more time than everything else and was failing to provide anything except the monthly income.

Is purpose all that important that I would throw away such an "easy income" in a good work situation? Apparently, yes.

CS Lewis wrote in the Screwtape letters that one of the ways to beat down Christians and make them ineffective is to use time decay and simply wear down the soul by attrition. What's worse, he suggests, is that if we are successful, we end up knitting our hearts to success and neglect the things that we once cared about (a spouse, our kids, etc). And we completely forget about the One who created us.

I think we also reach a point of saying "I've been around the block and I can do it better than the old block head above me." I've experienced this in my coaching career - as I had an evaluator/coach who came from the school of "Run them till they vomit" tell me I didn't make the cut. This after a dozen of my peers gave me solid props for a good session.

It is hard to "feel" God in these doldrums. It is hard to want to give him praise for mediocrity in my life. It is hard to be faithful when you don't feel God has been faithful.

What I find is that I'm at odds with God's timing and his justice. Theologically, I know I should be grateful for life after death - that His invitation, the gift to be in Heaven is all I need. And Theologically, I am content with this. But what I don't understand is why he would have me suffer emotionally through this time of life while others find success and do nothing to acknowledge His sovereign hand.

Yeah. I've been around the block and I suffer with the idea that I could do it better than the divine block head that breathed life into me. He knows my heart and I know his Word. We are at odds while I try to move out of my middle ages into the next great adventure.