So, I've been compelled to get my own personal prayer life back on track. This is something that was going quite strong toward the beginning of the school year, but all of a sudden I was derailed. It was quite personal.
See, I am convinced that there is a God. But I had one of those "you don't care about me, God!" moments. So I basically stuck my middle finger up at him and dropped all communication. Since then, things haven't been all that great.
As a soccer coach, I sometimes have to make decisions to put a player in their "natural" position rather the position they want to play. That's my choice. I don't know what God is/was doing with me, but apparently my "natural" position is something other than what I think it should be. So I'm learning to cope with a coach that has a bigger perspective than my little life can see.
So I've revived my prayer life, but it isn't as real as it was. It feels more like a list of wants than a conversation with someone who wants to bring out the best in me. I'm still pressing into the issues with my perceived gifts and my ability to execute on those gifts.
This leaves me stuck in an odd place. I trust God. I doubt myself. I have a strange peace about my future (although those that are close to me are putting in plenty of worry for me), because I've taken this verse to heart.
Philippians 4:6-7 Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
A little Alan Jackson here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QCV5t8wRBI8
So I'll be working on this. If you follow, you'll hear my journey.
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