Love and logic. One thing we emphasize quite a bit is that anything done in excess can easily snare us. It could be something as horrible as reading! Piano! Eating! Drinking! Driving our car! Journaling! Anything that we might run to for escape that is not Jesus is somewhat like our idol.
The real trick is getting a young one to switch to an alternate activity. That is - to not frustrate them as they leave one thing because they have come to know that the other activity is also good. So I ask them "Did you enjoy your time doing this? Do you want to do it again soon? And don't you also like eating dinner (for example)? Then you probably want to be thankful for this time and let's go enjoy some food before that option is taken away and you can simply head to bed."
The other thing is trying not to lecture. You probably have at least 25 years of experience that they are not going to want to hear. My wife and I are careful to not put any words out there that we are not willing to enforce. So if that means bed without dinner, OK. But if that means cancelling a birthday party they already RSVP'd to, we try not to use that as a lever to get them motivated. That would not only impact the child, but also others - who you are not trying to punish.
In both these last points, we have to also show our own submission to each other in the family. Put another way, we do things as a family. It is gloriously inefficient. My wife and I are Leeroy Jenkins Crazy inefficient. But we are modelling that we sacrifice our interests for the interests of others. And we build trust with each other - knowing that we are not competing with each other, but building each other up. We desire to help each other succeed. But sometimes, that means you have to stop doing what you want to do.
So - learning to break your natural desires to be self-centered.
- I better stop before I have another random thought.
So - learning to break your natural desires to be self-centered.
- I better stop before I have another random thought.
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